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The X-tra Ingredient

(A reporter is standing in a laboratory next to a professor. Her cameraman is there.)

REPORTER: Ladies and gentlemen, I have the privilege today of speaking with one of the premier minds of the scientific community. Over the past decade he has made more scientific breakthroughs than any other respectable scientist on the planet and collected a score of accolades, including Nobel Peace prizes, Time Man of the Year and even a Daytime Emmy. But it was his breakthrough thirteen years ago that put him on the map - that fateful night he combined sugar, spice, everything nice -  and of course that extra special secret ingredient that has made him the most successful scientist on the planet, Chemical X - to create the world's favourite superheroes. Professor Utonium, father of The Powerpuff Girls. Thanks for your time today, professor.

UTONIUM: It's my pleasure.

REPORTER: Now, professor, many state The Powerpuff Girls as your breakthrough discovery. But your new autobiography "Sugar, Spice and Everything Science" sheds some new light on what has become quite the urban myth. Tell us about that.

UTONIUM: Well, it's quite simple really. After my discovery, my critics felt that I was far too incompetent to have actually engineered the girls, and spread the rumour that I had added Chemical X by accident.

REPORTER: And that's not true?

UTONIUM: Absolutely not. I created Chemical X for the purpose of adding a little extra science to my experiments. It was a conscious decision to add it to my recipe to create perfect little girls.

REPORTER: Perfect little girls with superpowers?

UTONIUM: Are there any other kind? (Awkwardly laughs).

REPORTER: Professor. If you are, as your book claims, the man behind Chemical X, the question on the scientific community's mind is - what exactly is in that magical chemical?

UTONIUM: Why, there's no magic in it. Chemical X is nothing more than the pure distillation of science.

REPORTER: So, if I understand it correctly, you took an abstract concept describing a particular approach to knowledge and discovery encapsulating multiple disciplines of research and turned it into a physical liquid?

UTONIUM: That's exactly right! Everyone knew, back in the 90s, that science was the answer to all the world's problems. So i took science and turned it into something that scientists can actually use - and by god, we were right about it being the answer to the world's problems. Global warming? Heat up some science and launch the gas into the atmosphere. Terminal cancer? I prescribe 30ccs of science, stat. There's no problem that can't be solved with the pure refined science of Chemical X.

REPORTER: Amazing stuff, Professor. Thanks for your time.

(Filming ends. Reporter walks over to the cameraman.)

REPORTER: Alright, that's a wrap. Lets get out of here.

(walking towards stage exit)

CAMERAMAN: Consider me in the van already. This guy is a total weirdo.

REPORTER: Hah, I know right. "30ccs of science, stat"? I can't believe this is the guy who built the new internet.

(Reporter and cameraman leave stage. Professor Utonium pulls a walkie talkie from his labcoat)

UTONIUM: Bring him in, girls.

(Two Powerpuff girls walk on stage, holding a bound-and-gagged Professor Charles Xavier, still in his wheelchair. The other brings in a large black pot with "Chemical X" on the side of it, and a huge stirring spoon inside.)

UTONIUM: Thanks for the Xavier Institute of DELICIOUS INGREDIENTS, Charles! I never could have done it without you!

(Xavier is dropped into the pot. Utonium begins to stir and cackle with villainous laughter.)