A dark basement. Five clowns sitting around a card table. FUNNYBONE: Bozo and his boys are consolidating the laughter business in this city. Ringmaster wakes up in bed. FUNNYBONE (voiceover): And anyone standing in their way. Ringmaster turns to his side and his eyes widen. FUNNYBONE: Gets squeaked. Ringmaster screams as he looks at a pantomime horse head next to him. Cut to sweeping shot of a mansion. BOZO (voiceover): I am the power in this city. Unicycle bike gang riding down main street. BOZO (v/o): No man smiles. A police officer is ambushed and smothered with a banana cream pie. BOZO (v/o): No woman laughs. A man is gagged and bound by a clown and his infinite hankerchief trick BOZO (v/o): No child squeals with pure wonder. “Bang” gun fires. BOZO is speaking on a banana like a phone. BOZO: Unless I say so. Bozo turns away and places the banana back in his pocket. SCREEN: THIS SUMMER WOMAN (v/o): You can’t control the whole city! Clown shoes step out of a car. WOMAN (v/o): There’s got to be a point where the laughter ends! Cut back to shoes, a novelty horn squeaks. SCREEN: SMILE LIKE YOU’VE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE BOZO (v/o): This whole town is an audience. Just waiting for a punchline. (standing at a window, looking out.) And there’s only one thing a funny man like me can do. Long shot of endless dead bodies being pulled out of the boot of a tiny car. They keep being thrown. SCREEN: Time Magazine: “Never have I seen so many bodies thrown out of a car.” Cut back to body throwing. SCREEN: The Bugle: “It's literally 90 minutes of bodies been thrown out of a car.” Cut back to body throwing. SCREEN: New York Times “Disappointing film, unparalleled body throwing.” Cut back to body throwing. SCREEN: Body Throwing Weekly: “Sub par.” Cut back to body throwing. SCREEN (TITLE): SEND IN THE CLOWNS A bloodied clown is on his knees in the street. Bozo is leaning over him, grinning. BOZO: Say hello to my little friend. A midget clown emerges from behind Bozo. He squeezes his flower which squirts acid. Screams. SCREEN: COMING SOON ALTERNATE ENDING SCREEN (TITLE): SEND IN THE CLOWNS [/COMING SOON] Cut back to body throwing. Music stops. They stop. CLOWN: Okay, that's it. They nod in agreement with each other. They stop nodding. Beat. Music resumes. They begin throwing bodies again. SCREEN: COMING SOON [/BLACK] ADDITIONAL Clown mobsters pull mini-guns from their over-sized shoes Giant shoes walk down the stairs “Comedy is tragedy plus time - Carol Burnett” |
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