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Sliced Bread


WALTERS is giving a presentation. Board members are around the table.

Executive One: Alright Walters, please begin the presentation.

Walters: Thank you. Firstly, I'd like to begin by thanking you all for your patience with this project. It's been a long road, but I think you'll agree with me that it has been worth it.

Executive Two: Yes, very good. Go on.

Walter: Okay, so - diving right in then. As you know, we were working with the initial product - (removes slide) - bread.

Executive Three: Excellent product!

Walter: Agreed. And therein lies our dilemma. How do we improve such an inherently, intuitively excellent product.

Executive One: So, what did you do?

Walter: We have taken the original product of the bread (removes slide) And we have sliced it.


Executive One: Well this is the best thing that has ever happened. This is it. This is it, everybody.

Executive Two: Yep. Pack it up. Pack everything up. This is the moment. This is literally the greatest thing to ever happen to anyone ever.

Executive Three: I can't help but believe that any future moment of any real significance will be compared to this moment.

Executive One: Not just compared, but found to be lacking. Found to be lacking! Nothing, no matter how ingenius, creative or innovative will ever be as good as what you have just done, Walters.

Walter: Oh, I'm not done yet.

Executive Two: What the fuck do you mean?

Walter: Just wait. Do you recognise this? (removes slide)

Executive Three: Yes, that's the wheel.

Walter: Well, is it?

Executive One: Yes. Yes it is.

Walter: You're right. But, look at this. (removes slide, another slide just like it is underneath)

Executive Two: It's the same slide as before.

Walter: Au Contraire, Mr. Bear. Look closer, what is it?

Executive Three: It's the wheel.

Walter: It is. I've invented it again.

Executive One: You've .. You've re-invented the wheel?

Walter: I have.

Executive Two: Well .. this is the best thing since sliced bread

Executive Three: You mean that thing that happened forty seconds ago?

Executive Two: Damn right.

Executive One: He sliced the fucking bread! Just cut it! Cut it a bunch! It's all cut up! It is magnificent!

Executive Two: It's so great!

Executive Three: Excellent presentation, Walters. Good job.

Walter: Uh, one more thing.

Executive Two: Yes?

Walter: Um.. look.. this might be a bit controversial..

Executive One: You aren't going to ..

Walter: No, I feel it's important. I think this is really important.

Executive Three: Walters, it's not worth it. You've done so well today.

Walter: Look, i know you don't like to talk about it - but I have to ask .. I think we've all realised by now that there's an elephant in the room.

(Beat. Everyone looks at each Walters)

Shot of executive one.

Shot of walters.

Shot of executive two.

Shot of walters.
Shot of executive three.
Shot of walters.
Shot of an elephant in the office.
Shot of Walters.
Shot of the elephant raising its trunk. Elephant noise.
(Shot of) Executive One: We don't talk about him.