Show Archive‎ > ‎2011‎ > ‎Theme‎ > ‎

Theme 2

THEME TWO

<Normal Lighting>

(BARMAN, R123 & A123, KRISTIE and KRISTOFF are on stage)

R1: Have you heard about Leika and the American?

R2: It's all over the spaceport, how could I not have?

R3: It's disgusting, just disgusting.

R1: I know. It just won't work. I mean he's an American, she's a woman.

R2: I hate both those things!

(Cut to Americans)

A1: I mean he's an American, she's a woman.

A2: I hate both those things!

A3: Yeah!

A2 Wait sorry I was thinking of spiders. I hate spiders.

A3: Yeah, to be honest I was thinking of spiders too.

(Cut to Russians)

R1: I mean they're arachnids, she's a woman.

R2: I hate both those things!

A2: It's a risk to our security.

R2: It's a risk to our sovereignty.

A3: He's fraternising with the enemy.

R3: She's fraternising with an enemy. 

A1: What if someone told our superiors? What if someone told Uncle Sam?

(Born in the USA plays)
R1: What if someone told the Kremlin? What if someone told Comrade Castronaut?

(Tetris Theme plays)


R2: This would never happen back on Earth. Something's -

A2: -not right. I don't trust her. What if she's -

R3: A spy. He's probably a spy. Trying to get all close to Leika just long enough to -

A1: Infiltrate our forces with her womanly wiles.

R2: We have to stop this. It goes against everything we

A2: stand for. Oh shush, here -

R3: they come now! Act -

A1: cool. We

R2: can't

A3: let

R1: them

A2: know

R3: we've

A1: been

R1: talking

A3: about

R2: Achoo!

A3: Bless you.


(BUZZ and LEIKA enter from other sides of the bar, and walk up to the same table in the middle, sit down together and hold hands)


BUZZ: Hi.

LEIKA: Hi. I like the jacket.

BUZZ: I like the dress. How was your day?

LEIKA: Don't talk about the war.

BUZZ: (signals the barman) The usuals, please.

BAR: Ah yes, a cosmo...paulitan with a dash of lemon, and a whiskey on the eagle.

BUZZ: Thanks, Crabby.


R1: Look at them, holding hands together, ordering drinks together, flying kites together...

R2: Yeah. I'm really mad at the two of those things they actually did.

A1: I don't trust her. A dash of lemon? What's her agenda?

A2: Yeah, who does she think she is? Queen of the Lemons?


LEIKA: Sure is busy tonight.

BUZZ: Yeah, it's pretty loud in here.

LEIKA: Are those your friends?

BUZZ: Are those yours?


A3: I don't understand what he sees in her. There are plenty of great American girls around here.

A2: Yeah. Why would you ever want to date a Russian?

R3: Hey. Are you talking about us?


LEIKA: I'm not sure we should be here.

BUZZ: Relax. I think it'll die down.


R2: Who'd want to date a capitalist pig?

A1: Who'd want to date a communist swine?

R3: American boys can't even feel love.

A2: Russian girls don't even have nipples.

R1: That's a half truth!


KRISTIE: Trouble's brewing, Crabby.

KRISTOFF: Those damn Russians are starting a fight again.

KRISTIE: No, it's the Americans that are starting the fight. Like they started this goddamn -

BAR: Don't talk about the war.

KRISTIE: Fine. But you go over there and you make them think-
KRISTOFF: No, you make them contemplate – upon what their relationship is doing to this moon.

BAR: Leave it to me, boys.

KRISTIE: You know what this'll lead to.

KRISTOFF: Yeah, you know what happened last time the war broke into here -

BAR: Don't talk about Lucille. (Walks off)


(BARMAN walks over to LEIKA and BUZZ)


BAR: Listen up you two, because I'm only gonna say this once. I see what's happening here. And I've seen what this war does to relationships. I know what you're up against. So, I'm going to tell you this plainly, as your friend. You're going to have to cherish every single moment you get together because you don't know when it's going to be torn away from you. You only get one shot at this, so you're going to have to go for it, and to hell with the consequences.

BUZZ: I don't know, boss. They're getting pretty rowdy out there.

BAR: Don't worry, I know this bar. I can calm them down.

(Russians and Americans have drawn weapons on one enough, barman walks between them holding a tray with drinks)


R3: SHE IS THE SWEETEST GIRL YOU WOULD EVER MEET AND HE WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE HER.

A3: HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER ANYTHING.

BAR: People, please! Lower your weapons

R2: LEIKA HAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GREEN EYES IN THE WORLD!

A1: BUZZ HAS BICEPS THAT COULD SQUASH A TRUCK!

BAR: Now, everyone calm down 

R2: LEIKA'S VOICE SOUNDS LIKE A SYMPHONY 

A1: BUZZ WRITES BEAUTIFUL POETRY! BEAUTIFUL!

BAR: Why don't we all just blow off some steam by grabbing a glass and having a (Takes glass, it drops) 

(Lights flash. Shots fire)

(Lights up. Barman is dead)

(Groups get ansy)

A3: This is your fault, Russians

R2: His blood is on your hands, Americans.

A1 and R1: Let's get out of here.

R3: This isn't over!

(Both sides flee)

(BUZZ and LEIKA approach the body)

BUZZ: Oh god, Crabby.

LEIKA: Who shot him? Which side?

BUZZ: Does it matter?

(Sad Born in the USA plays - UNCLE SAM enters)

(Sad Tetris plays - CASTRONAUT enters)

(They nod to each other and then walk to the body)

(CASTRONAUT checks pulse)

Uncle Sam: Is he?

Castronaut: Gone.

(They turn to Buzz and LEIKA, who are now split to either side)

LEIKA: What does this mean, Buzz?

BUZZ: War has come to NASAblanca.


<Black>

End.

Comments