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A DOCTOR (serious) in his office. BOB (scared) enters. DOC: Ah, Bob. Please, sit down. I'm afraid I have some bad news. I'm not quite sure how to say this, but out of respect for you, I won't sugar-coat it. Are you ready? BOB: Okay. I'm ready. DOC: You have a tumour in your brain. BOB: Oh. DOC: And it's massive. BOB: Um? DOC: Brobdingnagian. BOB: Wait. How big is that? DOC: It means enormous. If you examine this x-ray here, you will notice that it is roughly the size of a horse. BOB: What? DOC: Your tumour is larger than your head.BOB: How is that possible? I mean, I don't even- (BOB feels around his own head) DOC: To properly explain this to you, I brought along a friend of mine. He's a physicist.
PHYSICIST appears from behind the desk. PHY: Well, you see, your tumour has somehow extended beyond the normal dimensions of space and time into an n-dimensional non-Euclidean hyperspace with a surprisingly non-zero quantum probability. BOB: What?
PHY: In simple physics terms, you're more tumor than man.
DOC: My god. He's right! We'll need to operate imediately before smaller tumors get caught in it's orbit!
BOB: That's not a thing that can happen! Is it? PHY: The doctor is right! Have you heard of the Planet Jupiter? BOB: Yes? (beat)
DOC: Bob! Get on the table! It's time to operate!
PHY: How can I help Doctor?
DOC: Prepare the lasers.
PHYSICIST withdraws light sabers DOC: Are you ready Bob?
BOB: Is that a light sabe-? The doctor gasses ROB
DOC: Here he comes! CANCER appears from behind the operating table weiling a light saber. PSY: My powers have doubled since the last time we fought Cancer. CAN: Excellent, twice the pride, double the fall.
A battle ensues, PSYSICIST loses his arm, DOCTOR defeats CANCER. BOB wakes.
BOB: The fuck? DOC: I've defeated your Cancer. BOB: What do you mean you've defeated my Cancer? DOC: (waves hand infront of Bob) I've defeated your cancer. BOB: You have defeated my cancer... What the hell happened to that Physicists arm?!
DOC: (waves hand infront of Bob) Physicists don't have left arms.
BOB: You're getting that confused with girlfriends.
PSY: I'm so lonely.
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