Appropriated from: https://sites.google.com/a/sciencerevue.org/copyofscripts/2010/scripts-1/captain-s-log
THE UNSINKABLE CAPTAIN is doing something captainy (e.g at the wheel), FIRST MATE enters. MATE: Captain, the ship’s just hit an iceberg. We’ve got to get to the lifeboats. The Titanic is sinking. CAPT: What? Don't be ridiculous. This ship can't sink. MATE: Look, I know it’s a big shock, but levels 2 to 7 are already flooded. The ship is sinking. CAPT: Don't be silly. It can't be. MATE: What? CAPT: It’s can’t be. It’s called “The Unsinkable” for a reason. MATE: Captain, an iceberg pierced the hull and half the ship is underwater. CAPT: Don’t be ridiculous there aren’t even icebergs in the Atlantic at this time of year. MATE: Sir, I saw it with my own two eyes. The ship is going down. CAPT: And I saw it with my own two eyes! “RMS Titanic: The Unsinkable” MATE: Just because you say something’s unsinkable, doesn’t mean it is! CAPT: Are you calling the RMS Unsinkable a liar? MATE: What do I have to do to convince you we’re sinking? (grabs Captain’s newspaper) Look at your horoscope! “Gemini: You will have smooth sailing today until you crash into an iceberg and kill thousands of people.” CAPT: They say that about Gemini every week. Don’t you think you’re going a bit overboard with this whole “iceberg” thing? Get it? Going? Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, Jenkins, you’re such a sucker. Ha ha h- MATE: THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ARE DROWNING AS WE SPEAK. CAPT: Then stop speaking. MATE: That’s it. I tried to warn you. I’m heading to the lifeboats before it’s too late.
CAPT: You know I sold half of them before we left? MATE: What? CAPT: I felt it fit with the unsinkable feel of the ship. MATE: I do not know how you got your captain’s license. CAPT: And I do not how there’s water pouring in from under the door. Did someone leave a tap on? MATE: If by “tap” you mean “WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE”, then yes. Why won't you believe me? The ship is sinking! CAPT: Hah! I'll believe it when I hear it from this "iceberg" itself.
GIANT ICEBERG emerges from the wings onto stage
ICEB: I've crashed into your ship. You're all going to drown.
CAPT: Oh. (runs)
Lights down |
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