TIME TURNER

<Normal lighting>

RON and HARRY onstage.

HAR: Yeah, but that's the risk you take with Hippogriffs. They can't handle a good beating so if you get all riled up -

HERMIONE enters

RON: Hey Hermione, what's that on your neck?

HER: Oh, this? It's a time-turner. It lets me travel back in time.

HAR: It what?

HER: Yeah, let's me travel back in time. I've been using it to attend ancient runes.

HAR: Sorry, you have a time machine and you used it to pick up another class?

HER: Sure did. I love Ancient runes.

HAR: I'll bet you do. I'll bet you do.

RON: Harry, don't -

HAR: No, Ron. It's fine. It's fine. That's great that you're enjoying Ancient runes, Hermione. It's really great. Just one question -

HER: Is it about Ancient Runes?

HAR: Well, no – strictly speaking it isn't, I was just, well, I was just curious if you perhaps forgot that my parents were murdered when they had no warning that their house was about to be attacked?

HER: What!? How could I forget that!? You're the boy who lived.

HAR: That's right. That's right. I am the boy who lived – and they're the parents that died. They're the parents that died because they were ambushed in their homes.

HER: Harry, I don't understand?

HAR: Have you seen Sirius lately?

HER: What? No I -

HAR: Oh! That's right. He was falsely accused of a murder he didn't commit because there were no witnesses at the scene. That's a shame. My Godfather being locked away in a hellish prison. That's a real shame.

RON: Harry, please -

HAR: ISN'T IT UNFORTUNATE!? ISN'T IT JUST REALLY UNFORTUNATE HERMIONE THAT WE HAD NO WAY OF GOING BACK IN TIME AND FIXING ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED

HER: Ha-

HAR: HOW'S FRED, RON? HOW IS YOUR BROTHER FRED!?

RON: He died..

HAR: DID HE!? WAS HE KILLED IN ANOTHER SNEAK ATTACK THAT WE HAD NO WARNING OF!?

HER: Harry, I -

HAR: HOW'S ANCIENT RUNES, HERMIONE? HOW'S ANCIENT RUNES!?

HER: It's .. it's good

HAR: IS IT GOOD!? IS IT GOOD!? KIND OF LIKE GROWING UP IN A HOME WITH YOUR STILL ALIVE PARENTS WOULD BE GOOD!? THAT KIND OF GOOD!?

RON: Harry, you -

HAR: ANCIENT RUNES!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME!? ANCIENT RUNES!? WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF ANCIENT RUNES!? DO YOU KISS VICTOR KRUM WITH THAT DEAD TONGUE!? ANCIENT RUNES!?

HER: Ha-

HAR: MY MOTHER IS DEAD. MY FATHER IS DEAD. MY GOD DAMNED GOD FATHER, HEADMASTER, OWL AND HOUSE ELF ARE DEAD AND YOU USE A TIME MACHINE TO ATTEND ANCIENT RUNES!? DID YOU GET A DISTINCTION!? DID YOU GET A DISTINCTION IN THIS GOD DAMNED COURSE?

HER: A distinction -

HAR: A DISTINCTION!? SWEET LORD, HERMIONE A DISTINCTION?! WELL, I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO MISS A SINGLE TUTE. HELL, IF YOU SKIPPED A SINGLE GOD DAMNED TUTE MAYBE HAGRID WOULD STILL BE ALIVE.

RON: Hagrid didn't die.

HAR: HAGRID PROBABLY DIED. EVERYONE ELSE HAS! AND FOR WHAT!? SO YOU COULD LEARN ANCIENT RUNES!? YOU DIDN'T THINK OF JUST ONCE GOING BACK AND SAYING “HEY DUMBLEDORE, YOU LOOK MORE ALIVE THAN I'M USED TO – BUT NEVERMIND THAT, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET RID OF THAT TOM RIDDLE KID, BECAUSE HE IS GOING TO BE THE MOST EVIL WIZARD OF ALL TIME AND WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATH OF AN AWFUL LOT OF YOU!?

HER: Harry, I didn't -

HAR: WHAT'S THAT DUMBLEDORE!? YOU THINK SAVING HUNDREDS OF LIVES IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PICKING UP AN EXTRA CLASS ON ANCIENT FREAKING RUNES!? REALLY!? I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT ANCIENT RU-

HER: (clutches necklace) TIME REVERSE. <Red lighting>

Rewind noise plays, scene plays backwards incredibly quickly until Hermione exits <Normal lighting>

Hermione enters again

RON: Hey Hermione, what's that on your neck?

HER: [punches Harry in the face and keeps walking]

<Lights down>