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The Time Machine

On stage is a chair, a small table and something on the table concealed by a white sheet.

A scientist frantically runs on stage and reaches the table with an Aristocrat following slowly behind. He runs back and grabs the Aristocrat and pulls him along

SCIENTIST: Come on, come on! Now have a seat, have a seat. Take a seat!

(Forces ARISTOCRAT down into chair)

SCIENTIST: Months of experiements. Plan A, plan B, plan Z, plan infinity! Locked away in my lab with only apples and the occasional sliver of beef to eat. I was hungry but only for success. and now, at long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long last I have built one for you. Behold! The time machine!

[SCIENTIST pulls away the white sheet to reveal an analog clock. Long pause as the ARISTOCRAT tries to comprehend this and the SCIENTIST awaits approval]

SCIENTIST: Well, what do you think?

ARISTOCRAT: It's a clock.

SCIENTIST: Yes! Brilliant!

ARISTOCRAT: Yes I already own a clock. Where is my time machine?

SCIENTIST: Right here! Science born before your eyes.

ARISTOCRAT: No that is a clock. Science has not been born. This is not even a sperm on the periodic table yet. This is not a time machine, I cannot go backwards through time in this.

SCIENTIST: Ah, but that is where you are wrong. [Turns dial backwards on clock] Now we're in the world of 6:30 whilst everyone else is in the world of 8 o'clock.

ARISTOCRAT: Yes, I commisioned you to build me a time machine so that I could travel through time. All you have built me is a damn blasted clock! How can I go back two years in order to stop my wife from dying?!

SCIENTIST: Well you can't, it's analog. But you can only travel up to twelve hours!

ARISTOCRAT: Its not time travel! It's just fiddling! See?! [Turns hands back rapidly and keeps turning]

SCIENTIST: Great scott! What have you done?!

ARISTOCRAT: [mockingly] Just moved us back to the world of 4:30.

SCIENTIST: I think you underestimate the ramifications of what you have just done! You've butchered science, changed the past forever! History will never be the same! Great scott, we've killed the dinosaurs!

ARISTOCRAT: No we haven't! We didn't time travel!

SCIENTIST: Oh yeah? Well where are they?



ARISTOCRAT: Oops! (Picks up clock and smashes it on the ground)


ARISTOCRAT: [pulls out pocketwatch] Oh, no. I guess I'll just have to use this one here.

SCIENTIST: [gasps] Another time machine! Quick! To the dinosaurs!