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The Magician's Assistant

MAGICIAN is on stage with assistant in the background. MAGICIAN is holding a rabbit and a hat.

Magician: There we go, and we'll just pop our rabbit friend back in there. Now, for our next trick.

(Assistant goes backstage, come out with a large box on wheels, music starts playing)

Magician: My lovely assistant will get in the box

(Assistant gets in the box and lies down. Her legs come out the other side)

Magician: All good, Mary?

Assistant: Yes, Mesmerato!

Magician: Alright, now for the next portion of this trick we'll -

(Another assistant comes out in the same costume)

Magician: (looks at second assistant) Uh.. We're going to need from the audience..

(Second Assistant starts spinning the box around)

Assistant: What's happening?

Magician: No, it's fine, Mary. It's fine. This is all .. normal. Now – from the audience I -

(S.A. pulls out a cloth and waves it about)

Magician: I - .. sorry, who are you?

(S.A. Dances)

Magician: Well, that's lovely but it doesn't answer my -

(S.A. Pulls out a saw)

Magician: Woah! What the hell is that?!

Assistant: Who are you!? What are you doing here!?

(S. A. dances)

Assistant: Is that a saw!? Has she got a saw!?

Magician: Don't worry – this is all part .. this is probably all part of – Did Bill hire you? Did Bill hire you and not tell me?

(S.A. Dances behind box, readies saw)

Assistant: What's she doing, Mesmerato!?

Magician: It's uh – oooh Magic! Look at the magic!

Assistant: Gary, what's she doing!?

(S.A. Begins sawing)

(Assistant screams)

Assistant: This isn't part of the act! This isn't part of the act!

Magician: It's just a trick, it's just a trick!

Assistant: She's killing me!

Magician: Murdertricks! Just a trick! A murdery violent trick!

(Assistant screams)

Magician: (Crying) HA HA HA WHAT A FUNNY - BIT – OF – ACTING – MAGIC – HA HA HA JUST – WHAT A MAGICIAN I MUST BE! OH BOY (breaks down)

Assistant: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?

(Assistant and Magician scream together)

(S.A. Pulls apart the now cut boxes. The legs kick, the head moves)

Assistant: I'm okay! I'm okay it! It WAS just a trick!

Magician: (stands) You're okay?

Assistant: I'm fine! Really, I'm fine! It was just a really clever harmless - (dies)

(pause)

(Magician and S.A. Look at each other.)

Magician: Ah, the ol' murder the woman in half trick. Classic.

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