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The Last Fashion

[SCENE: Inside a French palace. The KING (or QUEEN) sits on a throne near the ADVISOR. The AIDE waits slightly off-stage, invisible to the audience. A MESSENGER enters. The king is wearing a wig.]

MESSENGER: Ma majesté Roi de France!

KING: Welcome back, Madmoiselle Rouge. Tell me, what is the news from the frontier?

MESSENGER: Well sir... there’s terrible news.

KING: What is it?

MESSENGER: We’ve run out of fashion.

ADVISOR: What?

MESSENGER: We’re out of fashion. Completely. We’ve exhausted every single possible trend in fashion throughout all the world. There’s nothing left for next season.

KING: Surely there’s something left?

MESSENGER: Nothing. We’ve tried cuffs, polka-dots, stripes –

ADVISOR: Have you tried polka-stripes?

MESSENGER: Twice. There’s simply no fashion left.

KING: This can’t be allowed to happen. Fashion is our largest export! The economy of France is built on fashion! This palace was built from fashion! My wife was once fashion. Now she is nothing.

AIDE: [enters] Sir, your wife is here to –

KING: Have her killed.

AIDE: Yes sir. [exits]

KING: Merde. What are we to do?

ADVISOR: Your highness, if I may?

KING: Yes?

ADVISOR: We don’t have to worry! We are the French! When the world feels ugly, it looks to France for fashion. You see, we cannot help but to be fashionable! In every French man and woman lies fashion! Fashion runs in our blood!

KING: You’re right. Aide?

AIDE: [enters] Yes?

KING: Bring me a peasant and have it killed.

AIDE: Yes sir. [exits]

MESSENGER: Your majesty, may I ask...

KING: Didn’t you hear him? Fashion is in every Frenchman’s blood! So we’re turning to the last source of fashion – Frenchman’s blood.

MESSENGER: I don’t think that’s what he meant.

ADVISOR: No, that’s exactly what I meant. 

KING: We must all paint ourselves in Frenchman's blood!

MESSENGER: Isn’t that a bit over the top?

KING: Over the top? We’re French!

[all three burst out laughing and keep laughing until slow lights down.]
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