SEXY CLOWN <Normal lighting> TRACEY is standing. DAVE enters in a clown costume. DAVE: Hey Tracey, is there something behind your ear? (Dave puts his hand behind her ear.) Oh, It's my hand. Embracing you. TRACEY: David, why have you dressed up like a - DAVE: Shh (puts a finger to her lips) It's time to send in the clowns. TRACEY: Are - Are you trying to hit on me? DAVE: Ooh, don't play hard to clown. I know you want me. TRACEY: What are you doing? DAVE: I'm being sexy! TRACEY: You're dressed like a clown! DAVE: Ooh, you know what they say about guys with clown shoes.. TRACEY: I don't kno - DAVE: They say “Have sex with them” TRACEY: Dave, I'm not going to sleep with you. DAVE: Yes you are. TRACEY: No, Dave – I'm not. DAVE: (Long beat) I just don't get girls! I mean, they want you to be tough, they want you to be sensitive, they want you to be a clown, I just don't know what they want. TRACEY: (as above) Wait – what? DAVE: I mean, you try and be a nice guy, you try and play it cool, you try and balance on a little unicycle while juggling bowling pins - TRACEY: Do – Do you think girls want you to be a clown? DAVE: Of course they do! It's the classic movie trope! The clown next door! TRACEY: That's not a thing - DAVE: It happens in every film! Boy meet girl! Boy likes girl! Girl doesn't like boy! Boy dresses like clown! They have sex for hours! Have you seen Notting Hill? TRACEY: Have .. have you seen Notting Hill? DAVE: Of course I have! It's the greatest of the Rom-Clown genre! TRACEY: That's not a – Dave, you seem to have apropos of nothing decided that girls are all famously attracted to clowns DAVE: It's like in Notting Hill when Julia Roberts - TRACEY: That never happened in Notting Hill! It didn't! I haven't even seen Notting Hill and I'm certain that didn't ha- (KNOCK ON DOOR. DAVE OPENS IT) BOTH: Julia Roberts!? JULIA: Hi, I'm award winning actress Julia Roberts, star of hit rom-clown films Pretty Woman, My Best Friend's Wedding and, of course, Notting Hill. My car broke down outside and it started to rain so I was just wondering if there was any chance that I could have sex with a clown? DAVE: Of course you can! TRACEY: You – Wha- Why? JULIA: It's just like in Notting Hill. I'm just a girl.. standing in front of a clown.. asking him to have sex with her. DAVE: What an excellent film. <Lights down> |