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Replicant Marriage

SCENE: A wedding. DECKARD and RACHEL are standing, in a suit and dress, on either side of TYRELL, who's wearing priest's robes.

TYRELL: Dearly beloved, we are gathered today to witness the marriage of Deckard and Rachel, in this unprecedented union - him, a human, an ex-blade runner, her, a replicant. Truly, love can overcome all. Ah. It almost makes my heart sing. By the power vested in me by the Tyrell corporation, I pronounce you man and - 

[A big crash sounds. PROTESTORS burst onto the stage. Two of them, PAULINE and GLENN, walk up to the central podium]

PAULINE: In the name of all that is good, stop this blasphemy!

GLENN: This is a crime against humanity! This is a travesty!

RACHEL: Who are you? What are you doing here? 

PAULINE: We represent the League for the Protection of Marriage, and we're here to stop this monstrosity.

DECKARD: Monstrosity? Our love is just as real as any human-human couple!

GLENN: It stops here. First we legalised regular marriage, then interracial marriage, then gay marriage, then then robo-marriage... and now, this!

PAULINE: Enough. It stops today.

DECKARD: But we love each other! 
RACHEL: Isn't that enough?

GLENN: [to Rachel] You shut your lying, replicant mouth! [pauses, then, to Deckard] Or was it YOUR lying replicant mouth? ...well, ONE, or BOTH of you has a lying, replicant mouth, and that's what matters. This marriage is an abomination.

RACHEL: See? You can't even identify us! You don't even know which one of us is a replicant!

PAULINE: But we can tell! By your filthy replicant scales! And your fleshy replicant gills! And your slimy replicant fins.

DECKARD: Aren't you thinking of fish?

PAULINE: It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter! What matters is the sanctity of marriage.

RACHEL: But we're more human than human!
DECKARD: That's why we make them!
RACHEL: Surely marriage is the most basic human privilege we're entitled to!

GLENN: Hah! You call yourselves human? Do you bleed when cut? Do you cry when sad?

RACHEL: Yes! We do all of those things!

GLENN: Yeah, well... fine. I guess you're right.

PAULINE: Replicants and humans can get married after all. 


TYRELL: Wait. What about gay replicants?

[all four look at him]

[lights down]