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People Smuggler


JANE enters the apartment. As she does so, a chair spins around revealing SAM, her husband.

SAM: Hello Jane. I think it's time we have a talk.

JANE: Sam? A talk about what?

SAM: Ohoho, don't go playing games with me Jane. You see, I know what's been going on here. 

JANE: What are you talking about?

SAM: All these men. Under my very nose. In my own house! Strange men in my own house! Don't pretend I don't know what you've been doing.

JANE: Darling, just come out and say it.

SAM: People smuggling.

JANE: Sorry, what?

SAM: People smuggling. The smuggling of people and it's taking place in my own house!

JANE: Sam, you're being-

SAM: Don't you "Sam" me, dear. Three days ago! 12 o'clock. I'm at work, realise I've left a folder on the kitchen table. I come home, hear a noise upstairs, go to the bedroom, and what do I see? You, smuggling a man out of our house! Letting him down the balcony with a rope. If that's not people smuggling I don't know what is!

JANE: It's this kind of stupid rant that made me do it!

SAM: Do what? Ruin your country? Help the queue-cutters? Betray the Queen? Yes, that's right, Jane, I said queen. I voted for the republic! And none of your despicable people-smuggling can take that away from me!

JANE: Oh, for god's sake, Sam, he was my lover. I've been cheating on you.

SAM: But that doesn't explain the... Oh, yes, it explains everything. You're a sex trader.

JANE: I'm not a sex trader!

Lights down