JACK SPARROW
A MANAGER is sitting at a desk. JACK SPARROW is milling about. MANA: Take a seat Mr Sparrow.
JACK: It's Captain Jack Sparrow. MANA: Oh? Captain Jack Sparrow is it? JACK: The very Captain Jack Sparrow who got waded out into the shallows, and waited three days for employment to swim by- MANA: Jack, we've been getting a lot of complaints about you.
JACK: Complaints? Why would anyone complain about Captain Jack?
MANA: You greet customers with "Welcome to Captain Hungry Jacks", you steal costumer's fries, you give cursed aztec gold as change, you under fill customer's rum-
JACK: Why is the rum always gone?
MANA: Because you're stealing it, Jack.
JACK: Am not.
MANA: What are you drinking right now?
JACK: Orange juice.
MANA: I can smell it on your breath, Jack.
JACK: Rum.
MANA: Furthermore, you display a shocking disregard for OH&S rules-
JACK: They're more like guidelines.
MANA: -improvising a hair net, chopping onions with a cutlass, shooting people. And you've been going through Davy Jones's locker- JACK: It's not my fault the squid-man is stealing my possessions!
MANA: Firstly, no-one stealing from you, and secondly, we don't tolerate racism here, he's not a squid-man, he's a Maori. I'm sorry Jack, but I think it's time we let you go.
JACK: Oh. That's how it is. Is it? Well then. Pirates theme plays JACK: You'll always remember this as the day you almost fired Captain Jack Sparrow. Music stops
MANA: Jack, give me your name badge. And while you're at it, your gun. JACK: Never! MANA: You won't get this week's pay until you do so. JACK: Yes sir!
Lights down STAGE MAGIC ENDING MANA: Firstly, no-one stealing from you, and secondly, we don't tolerate racism here, he's not a squid-man, he's a Maori. I'm taking your name badge and your gun (takes). I'm sorry Jack, but the time has come for us to let you go. JACK: Oh. That's how it is. Is it? Well then. GIRL: (enters) Larry, do you have a minute? [This scene plays out to 1:04] JACK: Finally. (takes hostage) MANA: No! No! Don't hurt her! JACK: Mr Manager sir, my affects please. And my hat. Mr Manager! (receives) Elizabeth, it is Elizabeth isn't it? GIRL: It's Ms Swann. JACK: Ms Swann, if you'd be so kind. GIRL: (dresses JACK, also attaches the rig to his belt) You're despicable. JACK: Sticks and stones love. I saved your life, you saved mine, we're square. GIRL: I didn't save your- JACK: Gentleman! Milady. You will always remember this as the day you almost, fired, Captain, Jack, Sparrow. Pirates theme plays, JACK chops a rope that leads from the desk to back stage, released, the rope zips off backstage, JACK holds on to his rig line and flies up, escaping through the Juliets, beat, the music ends, beat Lights down The music continues playing THE END Tropes: - carrying around a bottle of sand
- cursed aztec gold |
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