Lights up on a dodgy back alley. There is a GUY in a long trenchcoat. An Eskimo walks on in a massive parka. ESKIMO: Hey, hey mate, got any? GUY: Sure, you got the dough? ESKIMO hands over a large fish. GUY hands over a little bag.ESKIMO rips off parka to reveal that he is in fact a cop. ESKIMO pulls out handcuffs. ESKIMO: Stop. You're under arrest for selling ice to Eskimos! GUY: No, no, I promise you I wasn't! Pause. ESKIMO looks unconvinced. GUY: ...they prefer Inuit? ESKIMO: And they can't build their igloos with methamphetamine. Do you know how it feels to have baby seals writhing under your skin? Your actions tear families apart! GUY: Look, I'm one seventy third Inuit! My ancestors built their igloos using methamphetamine and they turned out just fine. They had the most prosperous fish farm in the entire Arctic! ESKIMO: Oh really, what sort of fish? GUY: ...uh whale? ESKIMO: Not a fish. GUY: (gesticulating wildly) Don't oppress me! You're trying to squash our traditions. My family's culture is built on ice! Also, methamphetamine. ESKIMO catches the GUY's flailing arms, handcuffing him. GUY: No! Please, no! Who'll feed my penguins?! ESKIMO: Penguins come from the Antarctic. GUY: Stop trying to oppress me! I provide a vital service for the community! ESKIMO: They are Eskimos, they don't need more methamphetamine. ESKIMO drags GUY off. Lights down. |