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Ice to Eskimos

Lights up on a dodgy back alley. There is a GUY in a long trenchcoat. An Eskimo walks on in a massive parka.

ESKIMO: Hey, hey mate, got any?

GUY: Sure, you got the dough?

ESKIMO hands over a large fish. GUY hands over a little bag.ESKIMO rips off parka to reveal that he is in fact a cop. ESKIMO pulls out handcuffs.

ESKIMO: Stop. You're under arrest for selling ice to Eskimos!

GUY: No, no, I promise you I wasn't!

Pause. ESKIMO looks unconvinced.

GUY: ...they prefer Inuit?

ESKIMO: And they can't build their igloos with methamphetamine. Do you know how it feels to have baby seals writhing under your skin? Your actions tear families apart!

GUY: Look, I'm one seventy third Inuit! My ancestors built their igloos using methamphetamine and they turned out just fine. They had the most prosperous fish farm in the entire Arctic!

ESKIMO: Oh really, what sort of fish?

GUY: ...uh whale?

ESKIMO: Not a fish.

GUY: (gesticulating wildly) Don't oppress me! You're trying to squash our traditions. My family's culture is built on ice! Also, methamphetamine.

ESKIMO catches the GUY's flailing arms, handcuffing him.

GUY: No! Please, no! Who'll feed my penguins?!

ESKIMO: Penguins come from the Antarctic.

GUY: Stop trying to oppress me! I provide a vital service for the community!

ESKIMO: They are Eskimos, they don't need more methamphetamine.

ESKIMO drags GUY off. Lights down.
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