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Dog Burglar

A jewelry shop. An attendant stands behind the counter. A very cheerful-looking burglar saunters up to the counter.
 
Attendant: Hi. Can I help you?
Burglar: Hi! Can I steal that watch please?
A: ... excuse me?
B: That watch. I'd really like to steal it. Even if it was just for today.
A: Who do you think you are?
B: I'm a dog burglar.
A: Well, go and steal some dogs, then!
B: No, no. That's not how it works. You know cat burglars? They creep in through the ceiling using suction cups and furballs and steal stuff! Well I'm different; I'm a dog burglar. I come up and ask nicely.
A: Why?
B: Because I'm your best friend! Can I pleeease have that watch?
A: No.
B: (Disappointed) Oh. I'll cry!
A: The whole point of this shop is that you pay for the watch. Then I'll give it to you.
B: And then I can steal it. Right. No, I'm not getting this.
A: You have to give me money.
B: What if I gave you love and affection instead?
A: Trouble is, that's not worth much to me.
B: Okay, fine, well I guess, I'll just... HEY LOOK! A CAR!!!!
A: (Looks behind) Where?
B: (Grabs the watch) AHA! I got you! (starts to run off)
A: Hey! What are you going to do with that?
B: Bury it in the garden! What do you think a dog burglar would do?
A: Bring it back!
B: No!
A: BAD BOY!!
B: Oh... (whimpers like a dog)
A: Right... now come here... and put the watch back. Good boy! (scratches him behind the ears).
B: Don't patronise me. (Walks off sadly.)
 
A parrot burglar enters.
 
A: Hi. Can I help you?
P: Yes, thanks, I'm a parrot burglar. (REALLY LOUDLY) POLLY WANT A CRACKER!!! POLLY WANT A CRACKER!!! POLLY WANT A CRACKER!!!! I'll shut up if you give me that watch. POLLY WANT A CRACKER!!!!
A: Here you go.
P: Thanks. (Runs off.)
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