Show Archive‎ > ‎2011‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎


DAN and JANE are sitting up in bed, arms crossed. JANE looks unimpressed.

JANE: After all you said you could do, that was it?

DAN: I promise, I’m better usually.

JANE: By the end you were just jiggling it around in desperation. You should practice some more.

DAN: Did you just give me permission to practice? Like... with other girls?

JANE: Anything that can make you better.

DAN: That's a bit rich coming from you. Weren’t you upside down at one point? Just because you're into the freaky stuff. If I need to work on my jiggling, you need to work on doing it in more ordinary positions… And you got other people involved. I wasn't ready for that.

JANE: I thought that bringing others to watch, and then join in would be the perfect way to put the pressure on you so you would perform better, but evidently not!

DAN: They were getting in the way and commenting on every little detail. I need privacy!


JANE: Look, do you know what I’m most sick of? Despite the fact that you have no talent in this whatsoever, nearly every time, just when I’m about to finish, BAM. You finish just before me.

DAN: I can't help it. And you can't blame me, some times I just get a blue shell.

DAN and JANE pull down covers to reveal Nintendo controllers and console.

JANE: More like all of the time.

DAN: …Ready for the next round?

JANE: I’m on top this time. Top screen.


DAN: I promise, I’m better usually.

JANE: It's like your hands were having a tremor party where people were playing pass the seizure and success wasn't invited.