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Crazy Coat Salesman

CRAZY COAT SALESMAN
 
WIFE on stage. JOHN enters. MAN always sells his items from his jacket.
 
WIFE: Morning John.
 
JOHN: Morning Dear.
 
WIFE: Eggs for breakfast?
 
JOHN: That would be perfect.
  
WIFE: (walks to fridge) Oh dear, we're out of eggs.
 
MAN: (enters) Eggs? Eggs my dear? Free range? Scrambled? Fried?
 
WIFE: AHH! Get out!
 
MAN: Very well. (exits)
 
JOHN: Who was that dear?
 
WIFE: I don't know but we're out of eggs.
 
JOHN: Toast will be fine.
 
MAN: (enters) Toast? Raisain toast? Untoasted toast?
JOHN: Dear god! Get out of my house!
MAN: Very well. (exits)
 
JOHN: Who is that man?
WIFE: I don't know. John, we need to talk.
 
MAN: (enters) Phones? Handset? Home phone? Handsfree?
WIFE: OUT!
MAN: Very well. (exits)
 
WIFE: John we need to talk.
 
JOHN: What is it dear?
 
WIFE: Well lets not beat around the bush. I don't love you anymore. Well that came out easier than I thought. Didn't even need to go within the vicinity of the bush.
 
JOHN: Don't love me? Why not?
 
WIFE: I just can't remember why I fell in love with you. You have no time for me anymore.
 
JOHN: No time?
 
MAN: (enters) Time? Watch? Clock? Calender?
JOHN: NOT THE RIGHT TIME!
MAN: Very well. (exits)
 
JOHN: I have time for you...
WIFE: Oh really? Did you even remember it was our anniversary today?
JOHN: Bugger.
 
MAN: (enters) Last minute flowers? Chocolates? UNTOASTED TOAST?
WIFE: GET OUT!
MAN: Very well. (exits)
 
WIFE: I just can't remember why I love you
 
MAN: (enters) Soft kisses? Back rubs? Rides on the carousel?
WIFE: SHUT UP! John, I'm leaving you, I'm sorry.
 
WIFE exits, MAN and HUSBAND silent on stage for a while
 
MAN: Divorce lawyer? Strippers? Suicide noose?

Lights down
 
 
 
ALTERNATE ENDING
 
WIFE: I just can't remember why I love you
 
MAN: (enters) Soft kisses? Back rubs? Rides on the carousel?
 
WIFE: SHUT UP! John, I'm leaving you, I'm sorry.
 
WIFE exits, MAN and HUSBAND silent on stage for a while
 
MAN: I'm sleeping with your wife! In your bed!
ĉ
Josh Pearse,
May 31, 2011, 3:02 AM
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