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*Cluedo

CLUEDO

Bloodied corpse lies on stage, white cloth half covering them. <50% luminance with spots on detective and corpse>

Detective: Homocide. (Pulls cloth over her head) <Lights go up>

Detective: Two blows to the back of the head. Not a pretty death. <90%>

White: Ghastly. Just Ghastly. Who could have done this to David!?

Detective: I cannot state this clearly enough, ma'am: Everyone in this room is a suspect.

(Gasp)

Green: How dare you!

Detective: I apologise, but it's a necessary precaution. We cannot rule anyone here out. Any one of you may have committed the murder.

Scarlett: Yes, any one of us.

 
Detective: What?
 
Scarlett: Which one of us did the deed? Can you guess? It could be any one of us, it could even be me, I had motive, I had opportunity, I found the body.

Detective: Well, it was definitely you.

(Gasp)

Scarlett: This is most unexpected!

Mustard: Where did she do it!?

Detective: Here.. obviously. The body is right there!

Mustard: And how did she kill him!?

Detective: I don't know .. I haven't found a murder weapon.

Mustard: Go on! Have a guess!

Detective: This is a murder investigation.

Mustard: Is it my turn!

Detective: Do you think this is a game, Colonel Mustard? 

Mustard: (beat) Wha-

Detective: COLONEL MUSTARD, DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME!?

Mustard: Well .. yes! <100%>

Detective: What? A man is dead!

Peacock: That's the premise, yes.

Detective: I don't -

Plum: And then next we'll kill you and then try and find out who killed you.

Detective: What!? It would be you. You just said that you were going to kill me.

Plum: Ooh, you never know.

Green: Yeah, I could be the one to murder you.

Scarlett: I wouldn't mind killing you.

White: Detective, would you like to come with me to the observatory?

Detective: Well, firstly I wouldn't.

Green: Anybody got a candlestick?

Detective: Secondly, you all see a little happy-go-lucky about the prospect of murdering me.

Plum: You would be good to murder.

Detective: That is an awful thing to say to anybody.

White: Just take the compliment.

Scarlett: Look at David! He was so fun to murder!

Detective: YOU DEFINITELY DID IT!

Mustard: I AM COLONEL MUSTARD!

Green: Alright, let's check the confession.

Detective: There's a confession!?

Plum: Oh boy I can't wait to murder you next.

Detective: Stop saying things like that!

Plum: Gonna smack you up good.

White: And the killer is .. Ms. Scarlett!

Detective: Obviously!

White: With a rope in the kitchen.

Detective: That can't be true!

 
Green: But it must be true.
 
Scarlett: I did confess to a rope in the kitchen.

Detective: But he has bullet wounds!

Mustard: I AM COLONEL MUSTARD!

Detective: I GET IT! YOU'RE COLONEL MUSTARD!

Plum: Well, I guess it's time to murder the detective.

Detective: Wait, what?

Plum: It's 6 o'clock, murder time!

Detective: You can't kill me. I'm an officer of the law!

Plum: Sorry, I can't hear you over all the murdering we're about to do.

(They close in on detective, and begin to beat him) <Lights back down to 50% luminance, spot on group>

Mustard: I AM COLONEL MUSTARD!

ALL: YOU ARE COLONEL MUSTARD!

<Black>

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