CAPTAIN PLANET, CLIMATE SKEPTIC
Five people on stage are dressed as climate scientists. <Light only the five Planeteers, rest of stage in half luminance>
Kwame: Status Report.
Linka: Air pollution levels are trapping 30% more solar heat than yesterday.
Wheeler: As of 12:01 today, six of the continents have been affected by severe drought.
Ma-Ti: We just lost Europe.
Wheeler: Make that seven.
Gi: Scanner isn't picking up any ice-caps.
Ma-Ti: You mean...
Gi: Yes. They're all gone.
Kwame: By my calculations...my god. The earth is about to hit irrevessible global warming!
Ma-Ti: Then there’s only one thing we can do.
The five remove their cloaks to reveal themselves as the planeteers. <Normal lighting> Kwame: Earth! <A colour each?> Wheeler: Fire! Linka: Wind! Gi: Water! Ma-ti: Heart! All: GO PLANET! <Spots on Planet/flashing colours>
Planet: By your powers combined I am Captain Planet! Captain Planet enters. All: Captain Planet! Planet: Planeteers!
Linka: Captain! The planet is in crisis!
Planet: My god. What's the problem?
Wheeler: The climate!
Gi: It's changing!
Planet: Are you sure?
Kwame: Look at these graphs and figures.
Planet: Hmm, nothing abnormal here.
Kwame: What? How can you ignore the obvious changes in the earth's climate?
Planet: Oh you crazy kids. The earth's climate is always changing! Linka: Captain, please! The hole in the ozone layer is expanding at incredible speed!
Planet (looking at the sky): Seems fine to me.
Gi: Sea levels are increasing by twenty centimeters a second! Planet: Sounds like the tide is coming in!
Wheeler: We just hit planet surface temperature of fifty-five degrees Celsius!
Planet: Actually, I think it’s gotten chillier since I arrived. Could any of you fetch me a jacket?
Ma-Ti: THE WORLD IS ALMOST OUT OF LOVE.
(beat) Planet: Shut up, Ma-ti.
Kwame: Just take a look at THIS.
Captain Planet carefully browses the new report.
Planet: Oh. oh. Sweet jesus. Kwame: Mmhmm. Linka: Captain, do something! Gi: Captain we need you! Planet becomes noticably nervous. Wheeler: Come on captain! Kwame: Use your super powers! Ma-ti: Captain Planet! Hurry! Planet: I, er, I, what, um... (Slaps Ma-ti). Um...the power is yours! Kwame: What?! Planet (running off stage): The power is yours! The power is yours! Pause. <Sirens begin to sound> Linka: We’re all going to die. The Planeteers seek comfort in each others arms. <Slow, awkward fade to black. Suddenly, sirens stop, lights back up.> Band plays Captain Planet after school special music.
Kwame: Climate change is a very real thing. Gi: And it’s happening right now. Wheeler: It’s up to us to do something. Linka: So buy a hybrid car. Ma-ti: Introduce an emissions trading scheme. Planet: Or punch a climate change skeptic right in the dick. Ma-ti goes to punch Planet in the dick, but Planet punches Ma-ti first.
Planet: Whatever you do kids, remember- All: The power is yours! <Fade to black> |
|
|