Show Archive‎ > ‎2011‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎

Applying For President

APPLYING FOR PRESIDENT
 
SECRETARY sitting at a desk. ARNY walks in.
 
SECR: Mr Schwarzenegger, welcome to the White House! How may I help you?
 
ARNY: Yes, I'd like to apply for President.
 
SECR: I'm sorry?
 
ARNY: You should be. I've been waiting a long time.
 
SECR: I beg your pardon?
 
ARNY: No need to beg, I'm not President yet.
 
SECR: I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of how you become President
 
ARNY: And I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of how to stop a financial market from crashing.
 
SECR: Look you can't just swan into the White House and apply for President. There are processes, qualifications you need.
 
ARNY: I'm qualified. I'm American, I killed an alien, and I ran a small country.
 
SECR: That wasn't a country, that was the state of California, and there is more to it than that.
 
ARNY: I also have a twin.
 
SECR: Having a twin is irrelevant to being President. People cast votes and chose the President.

ARNY: I was chosen to protect John Conner, and thus humanity.

SECR: That was a movie! It's people like you that make this country look stupid.
 
ARNY: And it's people like you that make this country look fat. Now take my resume.
 
SECR: I'm not taking your resume!

ARNY: I just don't understand what you want. Do you want me to be tough? Do you want me to be sensitive? Do you want me to be a clown?

SECR: I don't want you to be any of those things! I just want you to leave me so I can do my job. If you have no other business here, leave or I'm going to call security.

ARNY places ice cubes on SECRETARY's table.
 
ARNY: I'll be back. It was ice to meet you.

Lights down
ĉ
Josh Pearse,
May 31, 2011, 1:45 AM
Comments