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My Funniest Things

To the tune of “My Favourite Things”:

Cripples and lawyers, and babies in blenders;
self-deprication, and difference in genders;  
impersonations of Horatio’s stings;
these are a few of my funniest things.

Yo mummah, the French, knock knock, who's there? Farts!;
the cyclist amputee, missing vital body parts;
ruler tailored trousers: that’s pants, fit for a king;
these are a few of my funniest things.
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,
laughing at people who die of bee stings;
these are a few of my funniest things.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,
when I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.

Or “My Punniest Things”

Let’s talk about belts, they get a hard wrap;
leather you like them or knot, they hold up your crap;
your patience will buckle if, in-stead you use strings;
these are a few of my punniest things.

I have a joke about rope, but don't worry let's skip it;
I had a joke about feaces, but I'm told it is sh-it;
I'm writing a joke about bees, but it's missing a sting!;
these are a few of my punniest things.

Or “My Unfunniest Things”, same song prioritising the choice of the lowest forms of humor.
If you thing of any other stereotypical jokes, let me know so I can try write them in:
- Blondes
- Jews
- White
- Black
- Racism
- Topical
- Heckling
- Black humor, like how my kid’s got a tumor.