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Jesus Will Survive

So this is a parody of I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. It has avoided any offensive material (I believe) and still works as a song. Let me know what you think...
 
Here are the original lyrics in BOLD
 
At first I was afraid,
I was petrified,
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side,
But then I spent so many nights just thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew stong
And I learned how to get along

And now you're back
From outer space,
I just walked in to find you here
With that sad look upon you're face,
I should have changed that stupid lock,
I should have made leave your key,
If I'd known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me.

Go on now go,
Walk out the door,
Just turn around now,
Cause you're not welcome anymore,
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbyes
Do you think I'd crumble?
Do you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no not I

I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
And I will survive
I will survive
Hey Hey!

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high.

And you'll see me
Somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
Still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in
And just expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my lovin'
For someone who's lovin' me

Go on now go
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?
Did you I crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no not I

I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive
I will survive
Hey hey!
Here are the new lyrics...in italics and a different colour to save confusion :) All Jesus' lines in Red. All disciples (chorus) in blue. Chorus and Jesus in Pink.
 
At first I was betrayed
I was crucified.
I didn't know that Judas he played for the Roman side
But then I spent three days and nights just sleeping in a cave
And then I messed with all their minds
When I rose up from the grave
 
And now I'm back
From Heaven's Gates
I just walked in and saw
that shocked look on my disciples face
They said we missed you
It feels like a century
It's nice to see that you've restored
The holy trinity
 
Go on now go,
Walk out the door,
Go spread the gospel
Mark, Luke, John and Paul
 
Oh hey there Peter, guess what? I'm back, SUPRISE!
Did you think you could deny me?
Did you think I'd hang up and die?
Oh no not I!
 
I'm Jesus Christ
Oh I am immortal
I will always stay alive
I'll live for all eternity
Forever you must worship me
I will survive
I will survive
 
Jesus Christ, how did you come back to us?
We saw you die that sad day hanging on the cross.
Well my children, listen, I will tell you of my tale
From my death unil my escape out of Daddy's jail
 
I had nails through my hands and my shoes
All because the Romans heard I was the king of all the Jews
Then my body was placed in a chryogenic state (this was more a science reference, it is funny, but if it doesnt work it can be changed to dark and mossy cave)
And now I've been thawed out to rid the world of all this hate (if above line changed can be changed from thawed to let)
 
Awake, I threw off that Turin Shroud
And now that I've returned you should praise my name aloud
The Roman Empire will suffer and expire
But not Jesus, he could even walk through fire
 
For all time, He's Jesus Christ
We heard he healed some lepers
He's a really awesome guy!
He'll live for all eternity
He's the God of carpentry
Praise Jesus Christ,
Praise Jesus Christ!
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