Show Archive‎ > ‎2010‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎

Umbrella

Rain noise. 1 is standing centre stage under a big umbrella. 2, also carrying an umbrella, comes along.

 

2: Sorry, can I share your umbrella?

 

1: Sure. (Pause.) Hang on, what’s that? (Points at the umbrella.)

 

2: This? It’s an umbrella. What does it look like?  

 

1: Why don’t you put it up?

 

2: I can’t open my umbrella! It’ll get wet!

 

1: What? Isn’t that the whole point of umbrellas?

 

2: No! This is my dry umbrella.

 

1: Huh?

 

2: I’ve got an umbrella to use when it rains, and an umbrella to use when it doesn’t, and this is the latter.

 

1: But when it’s not raining, you don’t need an umbrella.

 

2: Yes, you do! It’s an accessory. You know handbags?

 

1: Yes.

 

2: Exactly like that. Except it’s an umbrella. You see?

 

1: No.

 

2: Just something I carry around! It’s a fashion thing. It’s not something you actually use.

 

1: That’s completely illogical.

 

2: Like I say, fashion.

 

3 comes on, with an open umbrella.

 

3: Oh, good. May I? (puts umbrella down, goes under 1’s umbrella.)

 

1: Wait a sec, you’ve got your own umbrella!

 

3: What? No, I don’t.

 

1: Yes, you do. I saw it.

 

3: No, you didn’t.

 

1: Yes, I did! You’ve got it there! What’s that then?

 

3: What? (Looks at own hands.) Oh! This! This is… an… umbrella.

 

1: Yes.


3: It’s… broken.

 

1: Looked fine to me.

 

3: It’s not a very good umbrella. It’s not actually waterproof.

 

1: So it lets the rain in, does it?

 

3: Yes, all of it. Even more than actually falls on it. If you stand under this umbrella, you will actually get wetter than if you just stand in the rain!

 

1: So why were you standing under it?

 

3: Because… it’s a magic umbrella. If I don’t stand under it in the rain, the whole world will be consumed in a fiery hell of doom!  

 

1: That doesn’t sound very likely.

 

2: Yeah. If you ask me, you’re just being selfish. Honestly, use your own umbrella!

 

Needs a good punchline

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