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M is talking on the phone. F enters.

F: Can you pick up that towel please?

M ignores F as she keeps asking.

F: can you pick up the towel please?!

Eventually F grabs M using a shepherd’s staff and pulls him towards her.

M: OW!


M: How rude!

F: ... please.

M: Why now? When I’m on the phone? Why do you have to talk to me now?

F: Because you need to pick up the towel now.

M: Why can’t I do it tomorrow? Or the next day? I’ll put it on my ‘Things to do’ list.

F grabs M by the neck.

M: Alright! I’ll put it on my ‘Things to do-Urgent’ list!

F: Oh, my god! Why can’t you just do what I ask?

M: It’s a towel. It’s not a bomb. Why can’t you pick it up, if you want it moved?

F: It’s not my responsibility.

M: Well, what if I like it where it is? It happens to be where I can see it, not away folded up in some drawer where it will never get used!

F: It’s been there for seven weeks.

M: So? Good for the Feng Shui...

F: In the middle of the dining room? Smelling terrible? It’s gone mouldy!

M: No it hasn’t, it’s just trying a new look. 

F: There is an algal infestation building up a primitive civilisation on that towel!

M: Ahh... Socio-scientific experiment. For research purposes. Don’t touch it; there could be a Nobel prize in it.

F: And it’s still wet. It wouldn’t hurt you to give it a wash.

M: What? Give the towel a wash? That’s ridiculous; it’ll only make it wet, and I can do that every time I have a shower. That towel is doing its bit for the environment! And besides, it’ll kill all the new species of algae! I’d rather be held on a charge of not picking up a towel than a charge of genocide, thank you very much.

F: Why can’t you just do as I ask?

M: Look, why can’t you just do it, if you’re that paranoid about the new viruses?

F: I am not going near that thing! It’s disgusting!

M: Oh, come on. That’s why they invented rubber gloves, and kitchen tongs, and stuff.

F: Pick up the towel. Now.

M: ... alright, you win. I’ll go and pick up your towel.

F: Honestly. What do I pay you for, Jeeves?

M: Sorry, milady. And I’ll bring tea up as well. 


M: Fine, you win. But this is the last time I clear up any of your mess, have you got that?