Three Little Pigs

Three Pigs are in a meeting of some sort. There could be some extra stuff, a dragon maybe, but probably not.

P1 – I declare the meeting open at twelve o’clock

P2 – I want to raise a concern of the community on the menace of the wolf. (pretends to be offstage)

P1 – Seconded

P3 – Oink.

P2 –We need to take action, I recommend that we create a building plan, as part of Pig incorporated I can promise a safe secure home for all of you, at minimal coast, for you, and your generations of children.

*We need to take action and to do this I recommend that we begin a building plan.

P1 – Seconded.

P3-Oink!

 P2 - Well, that's all then, now all I need is straw.

*All houses should be constructed of straw.

P1 – Secon… what?

P2 – All houses should be constructed of straw.

P1 – The community won’t like that.

P2 – Well you can’t expect us to all afford bricks do you? Not all our fathers were merchant pig bankers.

P3 – Oink.

P2 – Exactly, some of us had to settle for rolling around in mud, getting our fur, I mean our pig… skin all dirty and after doing all those things that pigs do you had to hunt sheep for your ten starving brothers and sisters while the pack did nothing.

P1 – Wait… are you the wolf?

P2 – What? Nope.

*No, of course of not. I’m a pig. Oink Howl Oink.

P1 – No seriously, are you the wolf? You just howled.

P2 – Howled like a pig.

P3 – Oink.

P2 – I’m a pig, you know, I do pig things, hang out at the ol’pigsty, sleep in my pig house, eat pig food, hang out with pigs, playing pig tennis with the other pigs that I hang out with because I’m a wolf, I mean a pig. (Pause) Alright, alright, I’m the wolf, but this idea isn't all puff and no huff, I propose that we build our houses of straw. The motion is on the floor so we need to vote on it.

*... I huff and I puff and I’ll blow your house down, but I still propose that we build our houses of straw. The motion is on the floor so we need to vote on it.

P1 – But we…

P2 – You did second it.

P1 – Fine, but this will not go in; this will not go in by the hairs of my chinny chin chin.

*Fine, we’ll vote but no one in their right mind is going to vote for this.  All in favour of building our houses out of straw?

*P2 raises his trotter/paw and then P3 slowly raises his (this line is omitted)