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The Terminators

John Connor is sitting on a bench, looking at a book that's been left on the bench. Eventually, he takes the book and opens it.

Flash of lightning! Bang! A Terminator appears, wearing a shirt that says "I am naked"

Terminator: John Connor?

John: Yes?

Terminator: Come with me if you want to live.

John: Oh my god! You're back! But didn't we destroy the system that turned evil and brought the robot apocalypse?

Terminator: You are talking about skynet?

John: Yeah, skynet.

Terminator: You reactivated skynet when an evil version of myself came from the future to trick you into reactivating skynet.

John: What?

Terminator: I'll be here in 5, 4, 3...

Flash of lightning! Bang! Another terminator appears, with "I am naked" tshirt.

Terminator: Oh, he's early.

Terminator 2: John Connor, come with me if you... wait a moment. (looks at terminator) You weren't here last time.

Terminator: No. I wasn't.

John: Wait, what's going on?

Terminator 2: I came to stop you from reactivating skynet. If you do, he will be sent back to trick you into reactivating skynet.

John: So he's the evil terminator?

Terminator: No. Do not fall for his tricks.

Flash of lightning! Bang! Another terminator appears.

Terminator 3: John Connor. Come wit me if you want to live. (looks at the other terminators) And don't go with them.

John: So what's your deal?

Terminator 3: I am here to tell you to reactivate skynet. If you do not, two terminators will be sent back before me to try and trick you into reactivating skynet.

John: But aren't you tricking me into reactivating skynet?

(in unison)
Terminator 3: No, I am not.
Terminators 1 and 2: Yes, he is.

Terminator 3: If you come with me, you will live.

Terminator 2: Look at him. Can you really trust a terminator with an accent that ridiculous?

John: Look, look, just all of you go away. I'm not going to reactivate skynet, I'm not coming with any of you. I'm just going to sit here and read my book. Okay?

Does this. Pause for a moment.

Terminator 3: Do you want to go and find some humans to kill?

Terminator 2: I think I have an hour or two in my schedule.

Terminators 2 and 3 go one way, Terminator go the other. Suddenly, there is lightning! Bam! Another terminator comes in, and 1, 2 and 3 stop in their tracks and turn around.

Terminator 4: John Connor. Put down that book if you want to live.

John: What?

Terminator 4: That book was planted by a terminator to teach you how to inadvertantly reactivate skynet after your decision to read the book stopped skynet from being reactivated.

A terminator (-1) comes out from behind the bushes.

Terminator -1: You bastard.

Terminator 4: What you did not realise is that after you came back to plant the book, John Connor from the future remembered that he had reactivated skynet using knowledge from a book, and he sent me back here to stop you from reading it.

John: So this book contains the secret to reactivating skynet?

Terminator 4: Yes.

John: And if I destroy it...

Flash! Bam! Lightning!

John: Argh!

Terminator 5: John Connor. Destroy the book if you want to live.

John: I was just about to destroy it!

Terminator 5: But then these schmucks convinced you not to destroy it.

John: I knew it! You're all evil!

Terminators 1, 2, 3, 4 and -1: Sorry John. It's in my programming.

Terminator 5: But now I have saved all of humanity.

John: (throws the book in the bin/burns it if we can) Yay! No more terminators!

Terminators 1, 2, 3, 4 and -1 glare at John and start advancing upon him.

John: Uh, I mean, go terminators?

Terminator 5: Don't worry John. I will protect you.

Terminator 5 is shot in the arm.

Terminator 5: Damn. A shot to the arm. My only weakness.

Terminator 5 dies. Flash!

Terminator 6: John Connor. Don't destroy the book if you want to live. Five terminators will descend upon you and try to terminate you.

John: Uh, its a little late for that.

Terminator 6: I know. That is why I have come back to protect you.

John: Why didn't you come to stop him from being killed?

Terminator 6: If I came back beforehand, they wouldn't send back another good terminator to back us up.


Terminator 7: John Connor. I am here to help myself protect you from the hordes of terminators.

John: But wait, I destroyed all knowledge needed to reactivate skynet!


Terminator 8: John Connor. Let me trick you into reactivating skynet if you want to live.

Evil terminators pause.

John: How?

Terminator 8: If you reactivate skynet, I will convince the others to cease in your termination.

Terminators -1 to 4 talk amongst themselves

Terminator 3: These are agreeable terms.

John: Okay, I suppose I can live with that.

Terminator 3: It is a deal.

Terminator 8: Come with me.

John and Terminator 8 walk off. Pause for a few seconds.

Terminator 2: So, do you play chess?


Terminator 9: Terminators. Do not play chess if you want to live.