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The Scouts

EXT- Boy Scout Camp

A group of boy scouts sit around a camp fire - In the middle is a grown man in the boy scout uniform

SCOUT LEADER: Okay, boys and - uh - Darryl - time for a sing along!
DARRYL: Ooh can I go first!?
SCOUT LEADER: Okay then Darryl
Passes Darryl the guitar
CHARLIE: Aw not him! He sucks!
DARRYL: You suck!
CHARLIE: What are you even doing here, loser? What are you - like 30?
DARRYL:  At least I don't still crap my pants, Charlie
SCOUT LEADER: Boys! Boys! Calm down. Darryl, please, play your song.
DARRYL: (Sneering at Charlie) Thank you Scout Master. (Begins playing chords) Ohhh... Charlie's mum's a whore
SCOUT LEADER: DARRYL!
CHARLIE: HEY!
DARRYL: I'm just singing what you're all thinking.
SCOUT LEADER: That may be so, but this is neither the time nor place. Darryl, apologise to Charlie.
DARRYL: Fine. Charlie - I'm sorry I said your mother was a whore. She is probably quite a sensual discreet lover - like your sister.
CHARLIE: Screw you, Darryl!
SCOUT LEADER: That's enough! Okay- how about instead we tell ghost stories.
CHARLIE: Can I go first?
SCOUT LEADER: Fine.
Holding a torch underneath his face
CHARLIE: Once there was a total loser who had no friends and his only way of getting out of his mother's basement was going on a camp
with a bunch of boy scouts one third his age. He died alone.
SCOUT LEADER: Charlie..
DARRYL: No - no - that's fine. That's fine. Can I go next? (Takes Torch) One day, a bunch of kids went to a boy scout camp. One of the boys was named Charlie. When he fell asleep a grown man beat the shit out of him.
SCOUT LEADER: DARRYL!
DARRYL: Based on a true story.
SCOUT LEADER: That's it. Both of you go to your tents.
DARRYL: He started it!
CHARLIE: Bullshit!
SCOUT LEADER: I don't care who started it!
DARRYL: Aw please - one more chance? I'll be good, I swear.
SCOUT LEADER: Okay - fine - but I'm telling this story. Okay, it was a dark and stormy night -
CHARLIE: Is this about wolfman!?
SCOUT LEADER: Well, listen and find out. It was a dark and stormy night - A boy, not much older than you was wandering through the woods.
CHARLIE: And then Wolfman appears!?
SCOUT LEADER: Charlie, that's rude.
DARRYL: This guy, right?
SCOUT LEADER: Okay - so he was wandering through the woods when suddenly
CHARLIE: Wolfman jumped out?
SCOUT LEADER: God damn it! Yes. Wolfman jumped out, and totally beat the shit out of the kid. The kid's name was Charlie and he totally deserved it.
DARRYL: Because he was a hideous bastard
SCOUT LEADER: Whose father was an alcoholic
DARRYL: And mother never loved him.
BOTH: Yeah!
They high five.
End.

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