Angel: Next? Damien: Hi, Damien Goodwin. Angel: [angel looks at list] Damien: Can’t wait to get one of those halos! Angel: Yeah... about that. I don’t think you’re supposed to be here. You’re not on the list. Damien: What? Are you sure? Angel: I’m all-knowing. Damien: Check it again! Angel: You’re not on the list. Damien: What? Why not? Angel: Well, it says here you had an affair. Damien: That’s – what? That didn’t count! Angel: It counts. Damien: I used a condom! Angel: It still counts. Damien: Oh... well... come on. It’s just one little extramarital affair. We’ve all done it. It’s human nature! [alt: nobody’s perfect!] Angel: You’re talking to an angel. Damien: Touche. Angel: Plus, it says here you killed a priest. Damien: In self-defence! Angel: Self-defence? Damien: He was mugging me! Angel: He was asking you for a donation! Damien: Look, an old guy dressed in black comes up to me in the street and asks for money! I did what anyone would! Angel: Pretty sure most people don’t shoot priests. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Damien: Look, this is bullshit. Absolute fucking bullshit. So I slept around. So I shot a priest. So I swore in front of an angel. You can’t just smooth it all ver? Angel: I can’t just smooth it over. Damien: [sigh] Fine. Well, what am I going to do then? Angel: [points downwards] Damien: Hell? Really? No. No way. No way am I going there. Angel: Oh yes you are. Damien: Oh, no I’m – wait. Don’t they have sodomy there? Angel: Yep. Damien: Sweet. [walks off] |