This is a script by Dan from Teacake Tuesday that I'm very much in love with. Career Day Firefighter is behind stand two girls approach Girl 1: So, you're a firefighter? Firefighter: Yep. Yep. I'm a firefighter. [Flexes muscles] Girl 2: Do you put out many fires? Firefighter: Yep. More than any other firefighter in the world! Girl 1: Wow, how do you do it? Girl 2: Yeah! What's your secret? Firefighter: Well, our research suggests 99% of small fires happen on the Earth. Girls: [gasp] Firefighter: And 99% of those fires happen .. on land Girl 2: [gasp] Girl 1: But I'm on land! Firefighter: And 99% of those fires need oxygen Girls: Woah! Firefighter: So, we get rid of all the oxygen. Girl 2: Wow, that's brilliant! Girl 1: Wait, wait - what do you mean, "get rid of all the oxygen"? Firefighter: Well. Picture the earth. Girl 2: Done. Girl 1: [beat] Done. Firefighter: You know how it's got oxygen? Girl 1: U-huh. Firefighter: What if it didn't? Girl 2: Then there'd be no fires ever again! Firefighter: I know. Pretty cool, huh? Girl 1: But - wait - you can't get rid of all the oxygen! Firefighter: Why not? Girl 1: Well - people need oxygen Firefighter: Huh? Girl 2: [hesitant] Yeah - people really need oxygen. Firefighter: Oh - no - Fire needs oxygen. You're confusing people with fire. Girl 1: Oh, sorry - I do that all the time! Girl 2: What!? No! If you suck all the oxygen from the Earth, you'll kill billions of people! Firefighter: I'll kill billions of fires! Girl 1: You're a hero! Firefighter: I'm a hero. Girl 2: You're a monster! Firefighter: No, no. She was right. I'm a hero. Girl 2: No, you're not a hero. Human beings breathe oxygen. If you get rid of all the oxygen, we all die. Firefighter: You know, your friend seems awfully fond of oxygen.. Girl 1: You're right .. a little too fond, if you ask me. Firefighter: I agree. But .. that could only mean .. Girl 1: She's a fire! Girl 1 and Firefighter: [unison] STOP DROP AND ROLL! [drop to floor and roll to and from Girl 2] Girl 2: [rolls eyes] [exit] Lights down. End. |
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