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Serenity Funeral Ad

When a loved one dies, its a hard time for the whole family. Organising the funeral, the burial and their estate can cost thousands of dollars, and is an extra burden for a grieving family. But you can relieve the worry of your loved ones when you depart.
For just a small monthly fee, Serenity Funerals will manage everything.

Our simplicity package includes a burial plot and a personalised funeral service, as well as flowers for your grave and drinks for all the family. For a slightly larger monthly fee, we will fly your relatives in for the service.

If you feel that you do not have enough relatives, or they live too far away, Serenity Funerals is happy to supply weeping extras. For a limited time, we will also throw in professional empathy consultants to comfort your loved ones, real or supplied, through this difficult time.

For a moderate monthly fee, our staff will choose a touching quote for your headstone that could sum up your life perfectly, and will select your favourite song from our playlist. We will also include a selection of our pre-prepared eulogies, chosen by our mortician and performed by our minister.

If you require a written will, our lawyers will supply one, which you simply sign. Be safe in the knowledge that your affairs will be well taken care of.

If you call within the next 30 minutes, we will also happily disown any unwanted family members.

For an exorbitant hourly fee, we can arrange for your death to occur in a manner that encompasses your life, whether that be dying alone in a gutter, falling off a cliff or suffocation by octopus.

So before you get food poisoning and wind up in the New South Wales Health system, call Serenity Funerals. We care.
 
Alt Punchline:
And If you believe you do not currently require a funeral service for you, or your loved ones - we will gladly terminate the loved one of your choice for you. Serenity Funerals. We Care.
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