Show Archive‎ > ‎2010‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎

Salvation with your Sausage?

Lights up.

A few people are lining up for a barbeque. The person commandeering the barbeque hands a sausage to the person in the front of the line. (possibly a few people to the side of the barbeque with joyous happy faces smiling at the sky)

BBQ: Enjoy your sausage. Today we have a special offer, would you like to upgrade to a conversion for the low low price of your soul?

Person (not listening at first): Yeah yeah… wait, what? A conversion?

BBQ: Yes! Join the winning team!

Person: Uh, can I just have some tomato sauce?

BBQ: You can have some tomato sauce, or you can have so much more.

Beat.

Person: Barbeque sauce?

BBQ: No.

Person: Onions?

BBQ: Not exactly, but for today only we’re throwing in a side of forgiveness.

Person: I… I… Don’t think so...

BBQ (interrupting the person): And if you join in the next 30 seconds, we’ll throw in three free days at Celibacy Camp!

Person: I don’t need that. I do physics!

Person begins to leave.

BBQ (cheerily calling after the person): Okay, you have a nice day now!  In case you change your mind, we’ll be here 'til 3… or the time of reckoning… whichever comes first!

Lights down.
 
ENDING B:
 

BBQ: Not exactly, but for today only we’re throwing in a side of forgiveness.

Person: I… I… Don’t think so...

BBQ (interrupting the person): And if you join in the next 30 seconds, we’ll throw in three free days at Celibacy Camp!

Person: I don’t need that. I do physics!

BBQ: SATAN! (Cowers in fear)

Lights down

Comments