V/O: Meanwhile, In 1981, on the set of the hit show Occam's Laser - A Nuclear Reaction has opened a rift between dimensions. The only man who knows to close it is Professor Heinrich Von ScienceProton. In a desperate plea, President Jimmy Carter has tasked two children with tracking him down and saving the world. (Tim and Susan run into the lab) Professor: Don't run in here! I'm Sciencing at almost 150 MegaWatts. Susan: This can't wait! Professor: What are you patriotic children doing here anyway? Tim: President Jimmy Carter sent us. The Earth's carbon ring is collapsing at near Atomic rates! The quantum fields are unstable! Professor: Don't you think I know that? Susan: Professor, do you know anything about the inter-galactic dimensional overlay equations? Professor: Know them? I wrote the book on them. Tim: Then you know that the gamma storm in the Earth's core will leave us all crushed under waves of neutrons. Professor: Yes, but that won't happen for - Susan: It's happening now! Professor: God damn it. The quarks have turned chemical Tim: The positron radiation must be amplifying Maxwell's Equations Professor: How the hell do you know that? Susan: We've read Encyclopaedia Britannica Professor: Then you're the only ones who can help me Tim: Professor, that light over there is flashing - that could only mean one thing. Susan: The electricity beaker is malfunctioning! Professor: God damn it, the atoms are just too big. The gravitons in the double helix are about to unweave creating a rift in the space time conjunction thus causing the 7th dimension to collide with ours. Tim: What happens then, Professor? Professor: Then may God have mercy on us all. Susan: But doesn't the helium band mean - Professor: Yes, we only have 15 minutes. Tim: Then we have to move fast. Professor: Quick, plug the outboard relay into the bio-panel. It's time to electrify. Susan: But, Professor - for that to work you'd have to move the atoms at over four hundred times the speed of light. Professor: Damn right. Tim: But that'll anger the protons! Professor: It's a risk we'll have to take. (Plugs in the machine) (Sparks) (Alarms ring) Susan: What are you doing? Professor: I'm inverting the matrix at forty seven kilo-joules per meter. And if my theory's correct the neutron flow will reverse polarity - causing the 7th dimension to turn into a black hole, with gravity so thermal it will absorb all the electrons, acting as a gamma-net and capture any stray Newtons that falls through the atmosphere. Tim: Like driving a race car through a hurricane! Professor: Exactly. Susan: But what if it doesn't work? Professor: It has to work. It's Science. (Hits button) (Alarms stop ringing) Tim: You did it, Professor. You saved the world. And America! Professor: We did it, kids. (Phone rings) Susan: (Picks up the phone) Sir, It's President Carter! Hello Mr. President, - Yes sir. Yes. - Absolutely sir. We'll get right on it, sir. (Hangs up the phone) Tim: What is it? Susan: The universe… it's expanding. Professor: Then it's up to us to stop it. Tim: I guess we'd better give you some space! (All laugh) V/O: That's next time on Occam's Laser Exeunt |