Show Archive‎ > ‎2010‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎

Method Actors

Just wrote this, needs work, especially on the punchline.

Lights up on Teacher, with Actor (Tony) standing on their right, students 1, 2 & 3 on their left. Teacher is overly pompous and stuck up.

T: and today class, we will be learning the exquisite art of stage fighting. Tony here will be helping us with the demonstration. Give them a wave Tony.

Tony bows


T slaps Tony. Tony falls over, clutching his face and moaning on the floor.

T: and that, class, was the first, and easiest, part of stage fighting; the fake slap.

Tony slowly recovers his feet. Class watches with trepidation.

T: and now for the next most impressive fighting technique, the face punch.

T punches Tony in the face just as he gets up. Tony falls to the floor again.

S1:um, im not sure you are doing those right

S2:yeh, isn’t he meant to NOT get hurt?

T: Nonsense.  Tony is a method actor. You clearly don’t know acting at all. See? He is fine to continue.

Tony slowly regains his feet, wobbling a little.

S1:no, i really think you should get him some help.

T:Who is teaching this class! Now, i will finish with the final demonstration; the groin kick.

Tony stares, horrified at Teacher.

Tony: You know what? You just aren’t paying me enough for this.

Tony dramatically pulls out a ‘gun’ really a finger pistol

T: Beautiful acting Tony. Now commit: show these students what you are made of!

Tony: I can’t take this anymore!

Tony ‘shoots’ the teacher. Teacher dies dramatically. Students look terrified at Tony, S3 nervously applauds.

Tony: Don’t worry, it only works on method actors.