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Link's Noble Profession

Lights up.
MOTHER, FATHER and CHILD are sitting around the table eating dinner.  Tacky 8-bit era music plays in the background.  Possible use of strobe lighting to make movement look jerky.  LINK opens the door, he moves in an awkward staged way, reminiscent of the 8-bit era.  He walks through, whistling
, to the table, where he takes a few more steps on the spot.  He then proceeds to pick things up off the table, holding them over his head momentarily, then putting them in a bottomless bag.  A sound effect accompanies each acquisition.  The MOTHER and FATHER completely ignore him.
CHILD: Daddy, what's that strange man doing?
FATHER: He's collecting health boosts so he can face the end boss.
LINK starts taking stuff off the CHILD's plate.
CHILD: Why's he taking my food?
FATHER: He's going to save the world with that apple.
LINK starts patting down the FATHER in search of gold, he reaches into a pocket and pulls out a small pouch, he jangles the coins inside.
CHILD: Daddy, don't we need that money for Mummy's medicine?
MOTHER coughs pathetically.
FATHER: Quiet, your Mother's life is a small sacrifice so that this elf can save all of Hyrule!
LINK goes over to a cupboard, opens it and starts throwing stuff over his shoulder onto the floor.  He eventually finds a health pack, marked with a big red cross.
LINK: Gnarly! Curse Healer! (Fist pump) Thanks dudes!  And dudette! (MOTHER coughs, hackingly)
LINK leaves, still walking awkwardly.
MOTHER: I liked it better when we didn't have a hope in the world.
Lights down.