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How it happened...

Lights up on four people sitting around a table.  They all look very serious, they are all concentrating on something, no one is making eye contact.  They are frozen in position when they aren’t talking, at which point they can move around however.  They get increasingly worked up with each line.

 

ONE: After days of slow progress, we had finally come to an impasse.  Tensions were high, though they were well hidden to the outside observer.

TWO: It’s day five, our only source of sustenance has been the vending machine 20 feet away.  The Snickers were all eaten on day one, the Doctor Pepper gave us all stomach aches, we’re fast running out of small change.  Something is going to give.

THREE: This was never meant to happen, we weren’t ready for this, we were merely children in the kiddy pool, taken and dumped in the open sea.  If we didn’t come up with a solution soon, someone was going to snap, it could be anyone of us.

FOUR: (Gets up and starts rowing around the table, quite happily) Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

ONE: So much was relying on this decision, one way leads to fame and glory, the other, eternal shame.

TWO: The pressure to succeed is so great, I knew I was never cut out for this type of thing, I agreed to it without thinking, my foolishness knows no bounds.

THREE: I can feel my grip on reality sliding…

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

TWO: AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!

TWO snatches up a piece of paper and starts frenzied scribbling, everyone else snaps out of their stupors and watches. TWO finishes scribbling, shoves the paper away and then runs off stage.  THREE picks up the piece of paper and looks at it.

THREE:  This...this is brilliant…

A picture of the new USYD logo shows up on the screen.

VOICE OVER: So now you know.

Lights down.



ALTERNATE SKETCH  WITHOUT THE PROBLEM OF ONLY 2% OF THE AUDIENCE BEING EMOTIONALLY EXTREME ENOUGH TO SYMPATHYSE WITH THE MESSAGE IN THIS SKETCH, WITHOUT THE PROBLEM OF ONLY 2/3RDS OF THE AUDIENCE EVEN KNOWING THE EMBLEM CHANGED, WITHOUT THE LOW LPM PROBLEM, WITHOUT THE NONSENSICAL STATEMENTS LIKE "my foolishness knows no bounds", WITHOUT THE PROBLEM OF EVERY SECOND PERSON COMMENTING THAT THIS SKETCH IS SURVIVORS "WITHOUT A PREMISS".

LIGHTS UP AND FOUR PEOPLE ARE SITTING AROUND A TABLE.

ONE: AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!

TWO: AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!

THREE: AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!

FOUR: (GETS UP AND STARTS ROWING AROUND THE TABLE) AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!

ONE: AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!

TWO: AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!

THREE: AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!! 

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

TWO: AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!

TWO snatches up a piece of paper and starts frenzied scribbling and then runs off stage.  THREE picks up the piece of paper and looks at it.

THREE:  AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

A PICTURE OF THE NEW USYD LOGO SHOWS UP ON THE SCREEN.


MORGAN FREEMAN: So now you know.

Lights down.

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