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Hipsters: inspired by a recent trip to Melbourne. Dedicated to the girl outside Manning who chose to wear a beret on top of a hoodie.

Note this sketch is really timing dependent. I don't know how exactly timing should go, so I've just put in pauses where I thought they might go. Feel free to ignore/change/add/remove them. Also, the order of the bragging segments might need to be changed.

[Scene: four hipsters are in a cafe. ALEX is wearing a band t-shirt and massive headphones. EDWARD is wearing skinny jeans, a stylish top and a scarf. BETH is writing in a moleskin notebook and drinking from a hip-flask. LITTLE K wears a beret and Elton John sunglasses, and is smoking a cigarette.] 

Alex: I have a tattoo, you know. 
All: [sounds of impression. Mmmmms, ooooooohs, respectful nods] 

Beth: I have a tribal tattoo. 
Alex: From where?
Beth: ...China. 
Alex: Mine’s from Mongolia. 
Edward: Mine’s from Ecuador. 

Little K: Word. 
All: [impressed] 

Alex: I got my tattoo from a Masonic elder. 
Edward: Where is it? 
Alex: I can’t show it to you. It’s a secret. Outsiders aren’t allowed to see them. 
Beth: Really? 
Alex: Yeah. Really. 

Little K: Exclusive. 
All: [impressed] 

Edward: Yeah, well, my body is a tattoo. 
Beth: What? 
Edward: I got my skin removed and a tattoo of the human body grafted over it. I’m a living work of art. 
Alex: But isn’t that – 
Edward: Yeah. 


Alex: My tattoo was directed by Tim Burton 
Beth: My tattoo was directed by Wes Anderson. 
Edward: My tattoo was directed by Wes Anderson and produced by Andy Warhol. 

Little K: Troll. [said the same way as “word” and “exclusive”] 

Beth: My tattoo’s vintage. 
Edward: My tattoo’s ironic. 
Alex: Mine’s a metaphor 
Edward: My tattoo’s 3D. 
Beth: Mine’s 4D. 
Edward: What does that even look like? 
Beth: Awesome! 
Alex: My tattoo was the first ever. 
Beth: Mine was before that. 
Edward: My tattoo was before time itself. 
Alex: My tattoo is time itself! 

Ending 1: 
Edward: I killed a man. 
[split second of silence] 
Alex: What? 
Edward: I killed the man who made my tattoo. 
Beth: W-w-why would you – 
Edward: It’s now the first and last one he ever made. One of a kind. 


Little K: Fresh. 


[lights down]

Ending 2: 
Little K: I killed a man. 


[lights down]