Show Archive‎ > ‎2010‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎

Family Pretzel

Based on an improvised sketch by Yitzi, Hari and Jack;
J is sitting or standing at a board with a pen. H enters and looks at what he's doing.
H: Hey man, what are you doing?
J: I am trying to sort out my family tree.
H: Right. But that looks like a pretzel.
J: What's wrong with that?
H: Well, a Family Tree is called a Family Tree because it's shaped like a... tree. That's shaped like a pretzel. It's a Family Pretzel.
J: I was wondering why I was my own great-grandfather.
H: Bit of a problem.
J: And look! According to this, you're supposed to be my auntie!
H: And look! Why are both of your parents men?
J: You object to same sex marriage?
H: No, but two men having a kid with each other is a little unusual, you have to admit.
Y enters.
Y: Hello!
J: Hi Dad!
H: (To Y) Hi son!
J: Maybe you can explain a problem to me. Have I got this family tree completely wrong?
Y: No, that's perfectly alright!
J: So why is my cousin also my niece?
Y: Well, it's a simple enough problem, boy. You see, you're a redneck. And so am I! In fact, we're all rednecks!
J: I get it! We're inbred!
Y: Exactly!
J: Good! I was worried something weird was going on!
Y: Yes, it all started when your great-great-grandmother married herself, and since then we've been keeping it in the family!
J: So who am I going to marry?
Y: You could always marry your auntie!
H: You mean me? No thanks!
Y: Well, then, marry your daughter!
H: ... hang on, that's still me! I don't want to marry him! No offence, but you're not my type.
J: None taken. I'll just have to look around. There's plenty more fish in my gene pool!