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Doctor's visit

D = doctor
P = patient

P walks into doctor's office, sits on examination table

D: So what can I do for you today?
P: Well, I've been feeling a little under the weather.
D: You do look a little green, when did this all begin?
P: Well, um... a while ago I guess. It all started when this weird fluid started accumulating in, erm, my... lower regions.
D: What colour is this fluid?
P: Uh... blue...
*awkward pause*
D: ... Okay, erm... well... any other symptoms?
P: Well, uh, then I got this weird rash that started spreading. I guess it's more of an odd growth now... and lately i've been having some rather nasty smelling gas.
D: I see...
P: I mean, I wasn't really that concerned about it all. One of my friends had something similar a while back but it cleared up on its own. It's just that not long ago my partner had a scare and we thought she might have caught it. It went away but she's insisting I see you about the whole thing.
D: Yes, that's probably a wise choice. Tell me, when was the last time you had a really good asteroid shower?
P: Asteroid shower?
D: Yes, and I don't mean just getting your upper atmosphere done, I mean a proper bombardment.
P: Well, I guess it was a while ago. I've just been to busy to do it. I mean, work's got me running around in circles 24/7 and I really don't get any time off.
D: Okay, well, judging by the symptoms and what you've just told me I've got some bad news. It looks like you've got a fairly advanced case of what we call "life". But don't worry, it's far from the most serious case I've ever seen and we do have ways to treat it. If we can clear up the fluid and gas the rest should go away naturally. My recommendation is that you go home and take a really long, hot bombardment. That should clear up the vast majority of it. Just in case though, I've got a vaccine that I can give you that we're still trialing called "swine flu". It takes a while to work but it should help with some of the growth. Now, if you're still showing the various signs in a couple of years I've got a colleague who's a giant asteroid who specializes in this sort of thing. His name's Apophis and he'll be coming into town in the next little while. Give him a ring and he'll come over and see what he can do.
P: Thanks. That sounds great.
D: Just keep an eye on it and I'll see you in a century or so for another checkup.
P: Thanks doctor.

P leaves

Pluto enters the room

D: Ah, mr Pluto! How can I help you today?
Pluto: Um... well... I've been looking around on the... um... internet and, you know, talking to a couple of people and I really thought I should see you about it before I went off and did something but uh... well... i mean... speaking as a doctor... is there any way you can make me... well... "bigger"?