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Battle of the forces

Stage set as wrestling ring, with commentators on one of the juliets.

Com 1: [Very hammed up] Good evening ladies and gentlemen to this night of nights
Com 2: This battle of all epic battles
Com 1: At last...
Com 2: At last... (cutting off)
Com 1: At last, the stage is set for the ultimate showdown of all time. Tonight, for the first time, we will pit the forces of the four fundamental forces of nature together, to determine
Com 2: Once and for all
Com 1: Which force is the strongest of all.
[Lights up on short but stocky man, dressed with lines, arrows, pluses and minuses]
Com 2: An old favourite of this ring, electromagnetism. Unrivalled over medium distances, positively shocking under the right conditions.
[Lights up on tall and very lanky man, dressed in daggy teeshirt and patched jeans]
Com 1: And his traditional adversary, gravity. Some say his glory days are over, certainly his dark energy past may yet come back to haunt him. Yet in long range combat we've seen surprises, and, some say,
Com 2: He may have a few tricks left up his sleeve.
[The pair begin circling, as each comes to the front he says a few lines.]
EM: Gravity. He's got nothing, I'm the indisputitable greatest there is.
Gr: He think's he the best. I KNOW I'm the best. Just wait until you see us fight it out. I'm getting tensor just thinking about it.
[The two circle in, EM approaching with a volley of round house kicks which gravity somehow manages to dodge. Eventually he stands up and starts slinging punches. Gr straightens his shoulders, extends a long hand, and grabs EMs head, holding him at arms length. EM flails wildly, but cannot land a blow. Scene continues.
Com 1: And cut... *cough* it seems we have a stalemate in ring one, we'll check back on them in a few days to see how they're going. Meanwhile, in ring two, our next two contestants are coming to the fore
Com 2: These two have only recently made it into the arena, preferring to hide their age old grudges and battles from the public eye - until now.
Com 1: We bring you the other half of the story of the titanic battle between the fundamental forces of nature. I present you, the Strong Nuclear Force.
[Lights up on Strong Nuclear Force, a woman dressed in strong swaths of primary colours. She has many multi-colours baubles hanging from her clothing and is juggling.]
Com 2: The new and fresh stage antics of these new forces can seem a bit strange from time to time - but noone said they'd be normal. Their power is frightening in their own way. On the other side of the ring, the Strong Force's traditional side kick - the Weak Nuclear Force. Legend has it there has been a split in their once water-tight friendship. Let not appearances decieve you, Weak by name, Weak Force will not disapoint.
[Flash lights up and down on Weak Nuclear Force, dressed as a total hippy with massive, oversized bong.]
Com 1: She prefers to remain in the shadows until its time to unleash her radioactive power.
[SNF and WNF circle each other. SNF throws a juggling ball at WNF - lights up as the catch occurs. WNF returns fire with a bowling ball, knocking SNF over.]
Com 2: And SNF is down, it appears this explosive battle has gone too far for Strong. Not so strong afterwards.
Com 1: But wait [Another SNF appears] We have fission. The battle is on.
Com 2: The time has come, to unleash these forces in one all-out melee, to determine once and forall the most powerful of the four forces.
Com 1: The powers here tonight are catastrophic, the forces titanic, the strength cataclysmic.
Com 2: Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we will beat CERN to the first demonstration of a merger between all known forces at energies high enough to literally tear the fabric of space
Com 1: And time.
[Rings - ie light circles merge, and stalemates break. Four forces rush together in a tightening spiral. At the moment of contact, lights down.]
Com 2: What an anticlimax.
Com 1: That totally looks like a hole,
Com 2: And it's blackish - eh?
Com 1: Oh shit...
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