Show Archive‎ > ‎2010‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎

Baby Names

-          For Cecilia


Two couples, Bob and Jane, and Steve and Tricia, are Centre Stage.


Steve: Oh! That’s wonderful! Congratulations!

Tricia: Have you thought up any names for the baby?

Jane: Yes, we did, actually. We were thinking Slutface.


Pause. Steve and Tricia glance at each other, shocked.


Steve: Slutface. That’s … nice!

Tricia: Yeah, it’s really… pretty. Really pretty.

Jane: Yeah, we like it, cause it’s musical, sort of rolls off your tongue.

Steve: You don’t meet many slutfaces, do you? I mean, people named Slutface. Is it Celtic, or Arabic?

Bob: No, it’s Australian.

Steve: Thought so.

Bob: It means “God’s gift to mankind”.

Tricia: Really?

Steve: So, that’s if it’s a girl, right?

Jane: Of course it is! Who would call a boy Slutface? Honestly!


Jane and Bob laugh.


Bob: No, it’s Slutface if it’s a girl, or John if it’s a boy.

Steve: John, that’s nice too.

Tricia: I don’t know, looking at you two, I can’t see a John. How about… Fuckwit?

Jane: … that’s nice too!

Bob: Yeah, I like that!