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Assassination

Scott: Hey dude!

Rob: Hey dude.

S: Dude! You sir, are a player. You are up there with the big guys, you rock, dude!

R: Really? Thanks.

S: Yeah. You must be stoked as, dude. Seriously. To get that kind of recognition, that doesn’t happen every day.

R: Oh... right. Um... what are you talking about?

S: Dude! You haven’t heard? Luigi Dominico! The boss of the mafia! He’s put out a hit order on you! He wants you dead!

R: WHAT?

S: Yeah! Sounds bloody angry too! You must have really pissed him off! What did you do, eat his wife? Sleep with his dog?

R: I don’t even know the guy!

S: Well, he knows you! Sent an email around with a picture of your house and the words, ‘bomb here.’ Respect man, that’s all I’m saying. You managed to piss off the most powerful man in the underworld. That’s awesome!

R: Wait... you’re having me on, right?

S: No, dude. Look! Here’s the notice! And it’s written in blood too! That’s a secret code among the mafia, you know. Apparently, it means that they don’t like you very much.

R: ‘If this man isn’t dead in...’ is that a six?

S: No, that’s a two.

R: Oh, shit! Who knows about this?

S: Every hired killer in the world! And the terrorists! And the aliens! And those little fish that burrow into your skin and eat you from the inside out! They’re all coming after you right now!

R: What does it say here? A fifty thousand dollar reward?!

S: That’s not a bad price! Call it a compliment! Speaking of which, let me know if you do get killed, won’t you?

R: Huh?

S: It’s just that I’ve got five bucks saying you make it till Monday before you get killed. Behind you all the way, man!  

R: Oh, dude! I’ve got to hide! Every hired killer on the planet is after me! This is some serious shit!  

S: Yeah, I suppose it is. Or, it would be, if I was telling the truth! (He sniggers.)

R: ... what?

S: I’m joking, man! Come on! You didn’t actually believe me, did you? I’m pulling your leg!

R: Really? Oh, thank Christ.

S: Yeah. You won’t make it till tomorrow, let alone Monday!

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