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I wrote this at Mini Camp yesterday in the Writers Workshop. I liked it so thought I'd put it up for you all to judge...
Candidates are being interviewed for the position of head of the Catholic Church. Interviewer (I) and his understudy (U) are on stage:
I: Send in the next candidate!
U: Mr Lama, you may come in now.
(Enter the Dali Lama)
I: Ah (brings paper close to face) Mr. Dali Lama, take a seat. Now why are you interested in the vacant position as the Pope?
DL: Well as you all know I promote peace. Well, what you don't know is that I believe this can only be achieved through total religious tyranny, so I plan to head all the religion in the world! (Crazy laugh)
I: I see, you are aware we do not share the same God and therefore your chances are slim?
DL: Oh we will, and he will be me, world peace shall be mine!
I: GET OUT! Who's next?
U: If you could just jot down your e-mail Mr Lama. Mr Polanski it's your turn.
I: Ah, Mr Polanski, what is your reason for wanting to be the head of the Catholic Church?
RP: Well, I'm really into this whole Child Sodomy thing that you have going on, and I think---
I: (interrupting) NO! GO BACK TO POLAND! Surely they can't get worse than this...who's next?
(A clown walks in)
I: NO! OUT! (Takes out gong and starts to hit it) GONG MEANS NO! Next!
(Clown exits. In walks Mel Gibson)
I: Mr. Gibson, its an honour to meet you, I was a huge fan of Braveheart, (Impersonating) FREEEEEDOM!!!! (Mel stares awkwardly at him) Yes well anyway, the interview, why would you like to be Pope?
MG: Well I know I don't have the greatest track record with celibacy and all, but I do have a great moral views, I have been a catcholic since birth, and would love to be in a position to legally burn some Jews. (said as naturally as possible)
I: Yes (Slightly worried at last comment). Well we'll be in touch. (To understudy) Well he's not traditional, but the best so far. Are there any more?
U: Yes just one more. I'll send him in.
(Man dressed in Al-qaeda clothing enters)
I: (Smacks gong repeatedly, man leaves). Dammit, we'll never find anyone. Nobody any more seems to be Catholic, have great religious morals, has a generic name such as Paul and John so it fits on the back of his jersey, is celibate and doesn't enjoy molesting children?!
U: (coughs) Well Sir I think I know of a man. What about Mr. Obama?
I: And not Black!
(Lights out)
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