Two people are standing on stage – An astronaut enters Person 1: Welcome back, Commander. Person 2: I must admit – I thought we had lost you when we lost contact near that asteroid belt Person 1: We're just glad you're back Astronaut: You fools! It was Earth all along! Person 1: Well, yes – that's true Astronaut: SHUT UP! (Slap) You blew it up! Person 2: Blew up what? Astronaut: Didn't you see the statue of liberty? Person 1: Once when I was a boy Astronaut: Damn you! Damn you all to Hell! Person 2: (puts a hand on his back) Hey – Jack – It's okay Astronaut: Get your filthy paws off me, you damned dirty ape! Person 1: What are you talking about? Astronaut: This planet I've landed on! It's the Planet of the Apes! Person 2: It's .. Earth Astronaut: You can talk! Person 2: Yes. Yes I can. Astronaut: QUIET APE (slap) This planet is filled with apes! Person 1: I – I think you're confusing apes with humans. Astronaut: Do you have a tail? Person 1: No. Astronaut: APE! (slap) Person 2: We aren't apes. We are people. Astronaut: I'm tired of your pro-ape ape-rights rhetoric, Ape. Person 1: Just – stop saying ape. Astronaut: Would you prefer humanly-challenged? Person 1: We are both clearly, obviously human beings. The world hasn't been taken over by apes. You were only gone a week. Astronaut: So, the apes have turned human. Evolution was correct. Damn you, Darwin! DAMN YOU TO HELL! |
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