Show Archive‎ > ‎2010‎ > ‎Raw Ideas‎ > ‎

Palindromitus

I sat down to have an edit over the sketch Arrow of Time, and ended up writing something mostly new based on a slightly different idea. I'm not sure that I've actually improved on the original at all, but I thought I'd post it up as an alternative idea.

The setup again is some interview show setup centre stage. The idea is that the first time through, the host is really overly sympathetic towards the guy with the mysterious condition "palindromitus", and the second time through (backwards) he's being jokingly offensive because he thinks the guy is their guest comedian, and there's a lot of canned studio laughter to match. I thought the host could deliver his lines differently when they're forwards and backwards, but the plaindrome guy should try to be exactly the same.

Interviewer: Good evening, everyone, you’re watching “Amazing Medical Conditions”. This week, our special guest is Steven, a man suffering from a bizarre new condition doctors are calling ‘palindromitus’.  The cause of this condition and the extent of the symptoms are unknown, but our exclusive interview is sure to be very interesting.

Steven walks into the room, pointing at Interviewer.

S: You... you bastard!

I: Calm down Steven! I know you’ve had difficulties coming tonight, but we really appreciate you being here.

S: Well fuck you too!

I: Now, come on Steven, there’s no need to get worked up. All of us are here to help. Now will you calm down and tell us about your condition?

S: What? Why are you saying that? There’s nothing wrong with me!

I: Well, we spoke to your doctor, and she said that your problem is surprisingly common among men your age.

S: She wouldn’t say that! There’s no problem at all!

I: Look, I’m not trying to attack you here. She also said that while your condition makes it difficult to do a lot of activities, once you get started you have amazing determination and endurance.

S: Listen mate, leave her out of this!

I: Um, OK. Well, we’ve talked to your wife, and she mentioned the extra difficulties it puts on your relationship. Would you mind telling the audience what you have found particularly challenging in this regard?

S: There is nothing wrong with my penis!

Beat.

I: (confused) I... don’t understand. I thought...

S: (confused) Wait, what? Why would we even talk about that?

I: Your penis?

Interviewer nods sympathetically, and at the same time gestures into the wings for a security guard.

S: What are we supposed to be talking about?

I: (like talking to a child) Well, Steven, what do you want to talk about?

Security guard grabs Steven’s arm and escorts him out. Interviewer looks at him curiously as he leaves.

I: Sorry folks, a rare and unfortunate case that one. Steven, our hearts go out to you and your family. Coming up now though, we have our guest comedian, also called Steven, to talk to us about the problem of male impotency.

Steven is escorted in by a security guard, who leads him to his seat and then retreats to the wings.

I: Well, Steven, what do you want to talk about?

S: What are we supposed to be talking about?

I: (jokingly) Your penis?

(Cue studio laughter)

S: (confused) Wait, what? Why would we even talk about that?

I: (confused) I... don’t understand. I thought...

S: There is nothing wrong with my penis!

I: Um, OK... Well, we’ve talked to your wife, and she mentioned the extra difficulties it puts on your relationship. Would you mind telling the audience what you have found particularly challenging in this regard?

S: Listen mate, leave her out of this!

I: Look, I’m not trying to attack you here. She also said that while your condition makes it difficult to do a lot of activities, once you get started you have amazing determination and endurance.

S: She wouldn’t say that! There’s no problem at all!

I: We spoke to your doctor, and she said that your problem is surprisingly common among men your age.

S: What? Why are you saying that? There’s nothing wrong with me!

I: Now, come on Steven, there’s no need to get worked up. All of us are here to help. Now will you calm down and tell us about your condition?

S: Well fuck you too!

I: Calm down Steven! I know you’ve had difficulties coming tonight, but we really appreciate you being here.

S: You... you bastard!

Steven backs out of the room angrily, pointing at Interviewer.

I: Ha ha, what a joker. You’re watching “Amazing Medical Conditions”, and coming up after the break: Jonathan Croach a.k.a. “The Infinite Loop Man.” I can’t wait! Stay tuned.


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