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How to be a wife

Parody of "How to save a life".

I've got half of it down. I'm also thinking it might be good to have the would-be-wife to sing some of the verses and choruses and do it as a duet... a lot of the lines work nicely for her, and it would give a nice back-and-forward

Original Lyrics Changed Lyrics 
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
I knew our love was meant to be
The night I knelt before you on one knee
You accepted, it was right
Our shouts of joy burst through the night
Our lives together were to start
and we would not be torn apart
You moved to my place yesterday
And I knew exactly what to say

CHORUS:
Put the kettle on, hang up my coat
Cook me some lunch, where's the remote
Mop up that floor, turn out the light
Don't you know how to be a wife?

You didn't go and wash my vest
So I asked you to go wash my vest
You started yelling in protest
and didn't cook me breakfast
I made a list of what to do
but you just flushed it down the loo
As I prayed you'd understand me
and prayed you wouldn't leave me

CHORUS:
Where did you go wrong, I know I'm right
Somewhere deep down as a chauvinist
I'd have stayed with you for my whole life
If you'd known how to be a wife

I found a note the very next day,
Tucked beneath the door of our doorway
It said that she would not obey
And so she went to Norway
I could do one of two things
I could have changed and cleaned something
But I must say it's just not the same
If I can't say this every time you came

CHORUS:
Put the kettle on, hang up my coat
Cook me some lunch, where's the remote
Mop up that floor, turn out the light
Don't you know how to be a wife

(new girl comes on)
CHORUS:
Good evening, you look lovely here tonight,
On my first date since that awfulness
Before we kiss goodnight, to save some strife,
Do you know how to be a wife? (get slapped...)
How to be a wife
How to be a wife

CHORUS:
Put the kettle on, hang up my coat
Cook me some lunch, where's the remote
Mop up that floor, turn out the light
Don't you know how to be a wife

CHORUS:
Where did you go wrong, I know I'm right
Somewhere deep down as a chauvinist
I'd have stayed with you for my whole life
If you'd known how to be a wife
How to be a wife

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