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Soup

Someone called KATY about to enjoy her soup. She loves soup.

KATY: I love soup!

Just as she's about to have some soup, DEATH bursts in.

DEATH: I HAVE-

KATY: AAAAH!

DEATH: AAAAH!

KATY: AAAAH!

DEATH: (Regains composure) I HAVE COME FOR YOU, MORTAL. Okay, enough chit-chat. (checks clipboard) If we could just do this quickly...

KATY: Who are you?

DEATH: I am Death! One of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

KATY: Horse?

DEATH: ...No, actually. I ride a motorcycle. (Pause.) I'm cool!

KATY: Errr...

DEATH: Don't start. You're Katy Wilson, yes?

KATY: Yeah.

DEATH: Is that Katy with a "y" or Katy with an "ie"?

KATY: A "y"?

DEATH: Cool. (making notes) You know what the hardest part of my job is? People who can't spell their names. Like “Steven” with a v instead of a ph. Or “Suzanne” instead of just “Susan”. One time I made a typo and got this kid called Suzannah at her birthday party. Boy, was my face red! (laughs) Stupid bitch.

KATY: Excuse me…

DEATH: I didn't mean you!

KATY: No I wanted to know... Am I dead?

DEATH: Yes.

KATY: But how...?

DEATH: That soup. Food poisoning.

KATY: But I haven't had it yet.

DEATH: Yes you did! You ate at six, an hour ago.

KATY: It's six now!

DEATH: (checks his watch) Look mate, there's no point in playing silly buggers with me. See, seven!

KATY: Are you sure? It was Daylight Savings last night...

DEATH: … Oh, crap! .. D- ..Do you want some soup?

 

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