Sexy Science

One guy on stage with primary school science lab demonstration equipment. He/she is patronising and enthusiastic at the start, getting more enthusiastic to the point of sheer ridiculousness towards the end.

Hi kids! Are you ready to have some fun? Good! Because today, we’re going to learn about Science! Yay! Now Science is a lot of fun, but it can be really tricky too. For instance, did you know that even something as simple as 1 + 1 = 2 can take some people approximately five years to fully understand? Yeah, it’s true! And to comprehend something as simple as the Human Body can take up to three hundred thousand years? And even something as BORING as general relativity can take an average person up to Six BILLION YEARS to even begin to understand?!

That’s because Science is HARD! Oh, it’s hard! And SEXY! Oh, man, science is SEXY. Shiny clean test tubes, OVERFLOWING with STEAMY liquid nitrogen; Nuclear Fission reactions releasing an EXPLOSION of heat; ROCK HARD fossils dating all the way back to the PRECAMBRIAN; Amino Acids all joining up in one great big ORGY of chemistry; Fresh clean blackboards being RUBBED ALL OVER with SEXY WHITE CHALK; MASSIVE textbooks STUFFED with all kinds of INTERESTING INFORMATION on the Schrodinger Equation, OH MY GOD THE SCHRODINGER EQUATION, so SEXY that it takes THREE BILLION GAZILLION YEARS TO SOLVE!!!!!

Runs out of breath, puffs.