Show Archive‎ > ‎2009‎ > ‎Scripts‎ > ‎

Fairy Bread

Lights up.  There is a shop owner standing in the middle of the stage.
SHOP OWNER: Fairy bread!  Fairy bread!  Fairy bread!  Get your healthy, junky fairy bread!
RACHEL and REBECCA walk on stage.
REBECCA: Ooooh, Fairy bread, I haven't had that in years!
SHOP OWNER: Made fresh with real fairies!
SHOP OWNER: That's right, fresh fairies, caught, neutered and raised in isolation, then wrung out at the optimum age to produce one of the tastiest snacks known to man, second only to (psycho voice) unicorn blood.
RACHEL: Where the heck do you get real fairies from? They don't even exist!
SHOP OWNER: (Gasps) Watch your tongue!
RACHEL: But they aren't real!
SHOP OWNER: Stop it!
SHOP OWNER: Every time you deny they exist, one dies!  I have the monopoly around here, so odds are, it's mine!
RACHEL: They don't...
SHOP OWNER: Stop saying that!
REBECCA: You can't make fairy bread like that! You can't kill a fairy and put it on bread! It's so cruel!
SHOP OWNER: Why not?  It's more authentic!
REBECCA: You're meant to use hundreds and thousands!
SHOP OWNER: (incredulous) Don't be stupid. How am I supposed to fit hundreds and thousands of fairies on one piece of bread?
Lights down.