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Desperately Seeking Serial Killer

MATT enters and sits down opposite SOPHIE.
MATT
: (Awkward) Hi.

SOPHIE: Hi! I'm Sophie.

MATT: Matt. Sorry, I’ve never done this whole Speed Dating thing before.

SOPHIE: Okay. Well, basically, we ask questions about each other until the bell rings, and at the end of the night, the girls figure out if they like anyone and want to go out with them.

MATT: You’ve done this before?

SOPHIE: …a bit. You want to go first?

MATT: No, you go.

SOPHIE: Okay. First question; would you describe yourself as a caring person?

MATT: Yeah, I guess. I like animals.

SOPHIE: Live animals?

MATT: Yes.

SOPHIE:  What about dead animals?

MATT: Not really. They’re dead.

SOPHIE: What about children?

MATT: I like children.

SOPHIE: Dead children?

MATT: …no.

SOPHIE:  Okay, um... are you sporty at all?

MATT: Yeah, I play a bit of sport.

SOPHIE: Javelin? Archery? Wood-chopping? ... Shooting?

MATT: …Cricket.

SOPHIE: A bit tame. Oh well. What’s your favourite colour?

MATT: Red.

SOPHIE:  Now that’s more like it! What type of red?

MATT: Bright red, I guess.

SOPHIE: What’s your opinion on slightly darker red? Sort of… blood… red.

MATT: It’s okay.

SOPHIE: So, you’ve got potential. What sort of car do you drive?

MATT: A Volvo.

SOPHIE:  Is it big and black?

MATT: It’s white.

SOPHIE: OK... How much room is there in the boot?

MATT: Enough... (jokingly) but it's not like you want to stash a body in it, is it?

SOPHIE:  Well, you never know.

Bell rings. MATT gets up in a hurry.

MATT:  Well, I guess I should move on. Bye!

MATT leaves. Beat. Smoke fills the stage, and DEATH enters and sits down next to SOPHIE, who has obviously encountered death.

SOPHIE: Oh for Christ's sake... (stands up) You are not cool.
Lights down.

 

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